NCIS: In the Eye of the Beholder
by azraelrevisited
Summary: Tony left NCIS almost two years ago and no one knows all the details except Ducky and Palmer. He knows things can never be the same but is there any hope of rebuilding a relationship with his former teammates? Slash relationship, nothing graphic
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I know I need to finish 'The More Things Change' and get started on the prequel to that story but this one wanted out so I had to let it go. You may have figured out that I love to whump Tony. If that's not your thing, don't read.

Disclaimer: Don't own much of anything except a laptop and a twisted imagination. I wish they were mine (don't we all!)

Chapter One

Abby Scuito loved Christmas. She loved the crowds in the mall. She loved looking for the perfect gifts for her friends. People asked her why she waited until two weeks before Christmas to shop. Or why she didn't shop online. She would just smile and shake her head. If they had to ask then they just didn't understand.

She was walking through the food court on a Sunday afternoon when she heard a familiar laugh. She froze in the middle of the aisle, earning a couple of curses from other shoppers as she blocked their way. Slowly she moved toward the sound of the laughter, eyes searching the crowd. And then she saw him. He looked different but a good different. His hair was shorter, almost as short as Gibbs' but not quite. He looked relaxed, happy.

She hesitated. Should she approach him? It had been a year and a half seen she had seen him, over a year since they had spoken. She had tried to call him, but he hadn't answered. He had also ignored her texts and emails. She was hurt but Ducky and Jimmy told her to be patient, that he was going through a really tough time. Well, she was tired of waiting! Whether he wanted to see her or not, she was going to march over to his table, sit on his lap and give him a hug.

With that thought in mind, she moved in his direction. He was looking in the other direction so she called his name. He turned, still smiling at something said by the beautiful blond seated across from him. He looked straight at her, cocked his head – and then he deliberately turned his back.

Abby was devastated. He looked right at her and ignored her. How could he do that? She thought they were friends. She didn't both hiding her tears as she fled from the mall, her seasonal joy all but destroyed.

The man at the table turned back to his companion, a small frown on his face. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I thought I heard someone call my name," he replied. You don't happen to see a tall, Goth-looking girl with pigtails behind me do you?"

She looked past him but saw no one fitting the description. "Sorry, babe. Although in this crowd I don't see how I could find anyone."

"Trust me, Abby stands out in a crowd. I must have been imagining things, though. Abby would have just come over to the table and jumped in my lap. Wishful thinking, I guess."

"You really miss them, don't you?"

"I do. Maybe it's time, Corinne. I'll need to talk to Ducky but what would you think about having a small dinner party over the holidays? Maybe between Christmas and New Year's?"

"That sounds doable. I'll talk to Mary Pat. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"No, not really," he admitted. "But if I wait until I'm ready, I'll never take that next step. I just hope they understand why I had to leave."

"They will. And if they don't – well, that's their loss. C'mon, let's go home."

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs knew something was wrong when he walked into a silent lab. The feeling was confirmed when he saw Abby's red-rimmed eyes just before she threw herself into his arms, sobbing as if her whole world had fallen apart. He let her cry for a few minutes wondering what in the world could have happened to cause this reaction. "What's wrong, Abs?" he asked softly.

It was a few minutes later when she finally calmed down enough to answer. "I saw Tony yesterday," she said miserably.

Gibbs tried to ignore the way his heart jumped at her words. "How is he?"

"I don't know!" she wailed. "I saw him in the food court and I called his name and he looked right at me then he turned his back on me! What did I do, Gibbs? Why does he hate me? Why did he leave us?"

Gibbs tried to control his anger and she once again dissolved into tears. This had gone on long enough! "I don't know, Abs, but I'm going to find out!" He kissed her forehead and left the lab, heading for autopsy, his anger building with every step. By the time he reached autopsy he was fuming. He burst through the doors, Palmer and Ducky starting at the fury on the senior agent's face.

"Jethro, whatever is the matter?" Ducky said, concerned at his friend's manner.

"I'll tell you what's wrong, Dr. Mallard," Gibbs answered. "I just left the lab where Abby is crying her eyes out because DiNozzo hurt her feelings yesterday."

Gibbs didn't miss the look the passed between Ducky and Palmer. "I'll go talk to Abby," said Palmer.

As soon as Palmer left the room, Gibbs turned on Ducky. "Damn it, Ducky, I know that I screwed up with DiNozzo. And I know that you and Palmer are still tight with him. But Abby doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. She's devastated – she wants to know why he hates her."

Ducky sighed. He was trying to figure out just how much he could tell Gibbs without violating Tony's trust. "Jethro, I can guarantee you that Anthony would never do anything to deliberately hurt Abigail. He cares for her a great deal and . . ."

"Really, Duck? Do you honestly believe that she wasn't hurt when he left without saying goodbye? Or when he stopped answering her calls and emails? If he cares so much, then why did he just cut all ties with her?"

"I wish I could explain things to you and to Abigail but you must understand that I am not at liberty to share everything with you." Ducky made a decision. "Jethro, why don't you go back to Abigail's lab? I need to make a phone call then I will join you."

As Gibbs reluctantly left autopsy, Ducky pulled out his phone and dialed. When the call was answered, Ducky said, "Anthony, we need to talk."

When Gibbs returned to the lab, he saw Abby crying on Palmer's shoulder, the young man talking softly in her ear. Whatever he was saying seemed to be working because Abby's sobs had finally subsided. When she saw Gibbs, Abby said, "I'm okay now, Gibbs. Well, I will be."

Palmer started to leave but Gibbs stopped him. "Ducky said he needed to make a call and that he would join us after he finished. You might as well wait for him."

Palmer was silent. He was pretty sure he knew who Ducky was calling. He just didn't know what the result would be. After what seemed like hours, the ME walked into Abby's lab still talking on his cell phone. "Abigail," he said, "someone would like to speak to you."

Abby reached for the phone with a shaking hand. "Hello?" As soon as she heard Tony's 'Hi, Abs" she started crying again. The three men in the lab couldn't hear what Tony was saying to her but it was apparently calming her down. "This weekend? Really?" they heard her say. "I have to wait a whole week? Okay – here Jimmy. He wants to talk to you."

Taking the phone, Jimmy moved away from the others. They heard him say, "Are you sure?" before he ended the call and turned to Abby.

"Jimmy! Why did you hang up? I wanted to talk some more!" Abby cried.

Ignoring her question, Jimmy asked one of his own, "What are you doing tonight, Abby?"

"Nothing much. Why?"

"I'm going over to Tony's later. Do you want to go with me?"

He took the excited squeal followed by a bone-crushing hug as a 'yes'.

TBC

A/N: Okay. I think I'm going to end this chapter here. I know where I'm going but I'm not really sure how I'm going to get there. That is, if anyone is interested in reading more. BTW - next chapter of 'The More Things Change' will be up tomorrow. I promise. Maybe. No really – I promise.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I am humbled and amazed at the response this story is getting. Thanks so much for the reviews, alert s and favorites. Here's Chapter 2 – hope you like it. Oh, and the usual disclaimers apply – don't own them, just playing with them for awhile. And the the chapter of 'The More Things Change' will be up by Sunday.

_Flashbacks are in italics._

Chapter 2

At exactly 5:00 pm, Abby shut down her babies and waited (im)patiently for Jimmy to come get her. A few minutes later the ME's assistant showed up. Abby was surprised at his appearance – she was used to seeing him in scrubs or in the dress pants and shirts he wore in the field. Jimmy had changed into jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt topped with a brown leather bomber jacket. He looked totally different from his usual 'autopsy gremlin' persona. "Wow, Jimmy! I almost didn't recognize you! You look hot!" she said with a grin.

With a slight blush, Jimmy answered, "Thanks, Abby. Do you need to go home first or are you ready?"

"I'm ready! I don't want to take the time to go home. This has been the longest day ever!"

Jimmy laughed. "C'mon then. Let's go see Tony."

Abby got her next surprise when they got to Jimmy's car. It was a classic Mustang, just like the one Tony had. "Jimmy! I didn't know you had a car like Tony's!"

"Um, it's not _like_ Tony's, it _is_ Tony's."

"What! Tony actually lets you drive his baby!"

"Not exactly, Abby. She's mine now. Tony, well, he gave her to me – wouldn't let me pay him anything either. He said he wanted to give her to somebody who would love her as much as he does. Plus he still gets to ride in her whenever he wants to."

"But why did he give up his car? Jimmy, what's wrong with him? Something has to be wrong for him to give up his car!"

"I can't tell you everything yet, Abby, I promised Tony. I guess you figured out that he can't drive anymore, though. I just can't tell you why. Be patient. We'll be there in a little while."

"Where are we going?"

"Just outside Middleburg – it should take about an hour to get there unless the traffic screws us up. Why don't you find some good driving music on the radio?"

Realizing that Jimmy didn't want to talk, Abby did as he asked. She turned on the radio to find it tuned to a station playing jazz. She liked what she heard and since the radio was there in the first place, she figured Jimmy liked it too. Leaning her head back against the seat, she stared out the window, thinking about Tony's last few weeks at NCIS. Stupid Mike Franks!

_FLASHBACK:_

_Tony sat at his desk, trying to finish the paperwork that seemed to multiply every time he turned his head. Not that that was a good idea, the way his head was hurting. Damn Mike Franks anyway – he could have just sneaked away, but no – he had to hit Tony in the head before he left. Just a little while longer, though, and he could leave and find the comfort of his own bed (after a heavy dose of pain killers –no matter how goofy they made him!)He stood to get his final report of the printer when it hit – the migraine from hell. Apparently the concussion along with the fatigue resulting from long hours with little sleep had masked the warning signs. Dealing with the concussion headache was bad enough – now it looked like he was going to have one of the migraines that had been plaguing him for the last few months._

_He took a few calming breaths then made it to the printer. He grabbed the report with shaking hands and placed it on Gibbs' desk. He hoped it was okay because there was no way he was going to be able to proofread it now. There was also no way he was going to be able to drive home – maybe Jimmy could give him a ride. Sitting back at his desk, he pulled out his cell phone and called Jimmy, closing his eyes while he waiting for his friend to answer. At Jimmy's greeting, Tony said, "Hey, man – listen, I've got a killer headache coming on and I was wondering if you could give me a ride home." At Jimmy's affirmative response, Tony thanked him and disconnected the call before putting his head down on his desk._

"_Sleeping on company time, DiNozzo?" said Gibbs as he came into the bullpen. "Don't you have reports to finish?"_

"_Headache, Boss," Tony replied, not lifting his head, "and the reports are on your desk."_

_Gibbs read over the reports (Tim and Ziva had finished theirs earlier and had left soon after) and after a few minutes said, "This is crap, DiNozzo. Do it over." Walking over, he slammed it onto Tony's desk, oblivious to the younger man's wince at the sound of Gibbs' palm hitting the wood._

_Tony knew that there was no way he was going to be able to redo the report. On top of that, he knew that there was nothing wrong with it. Gibbs was just being an ass. Taking a shuddering breath, he sat up and said, "I can't do it, boss. Hell, I can't even see straight right now, much less type a report. I just need to go home and rest then I'll fix it in the morning."_

_Tony didn't expect what happened next, although in hindsight he should have. Even knowing that Tony had been hit on the head and knocked unconscious (by Gibbs mentor, no less) Gibbs raised his hand and head-slapped his SFA. Just before the hand made contact with his skull, Tony heard someone shout, 'Agent Gibbs, don't!' but apparently Gibbs ignored them and managed to strike in the exact spot that Tony had been hit by Franks._

_It was like a lightning bolt to his brain. The pain was white hot and all-encompassing. He tried to get up out of his chair, maybe he actually stood, but then he was falling. He thought he heard someone calling his name and he tried to respond, he really did, but he couldn't fight the approaching darkness. As he slipped into unconsciousness for the second time that day, his last coherent thought was that the pain would finally stop._

_After Tony called Jimmy, the ME's assistant told his boss what was going on. Ducky was concerned – he felt like Tony should have been taken to the hospital after being knocked out but Tony of course insisted that he was fine. And Gibbs, focused on the case as usual, did nothing to make his SFA get checked out. Ducky told Jimmy to go up to the bullpen and drag Tony out if necessary and to let him know that the doctor would be by to check on him later. He also gave Jimmy a pre-filled syringe that held the migraine medication that Ducky had kept on hand since Tony had started having migraines shortly after Gibbs' departure to Mexico. The neurologist that Ducky had insisted Tony see had felt like the migraines were brought on by stress (and God knows Tony was under a lot a stress, with Gibbs leaving, and McGee and Ziva being less than cooperative) and prescribed the medication to alleviate the attacks._

_Jimmy entered the bullpen just as Gibbs was preparing to give Tony one of his head-slaps. Was the man crazy? Didn't he realize that Tony probably had a concussion and should by all rights be in a hospital? "Agent Gibbs, don't!" he shouted but to no avail. Gibbs followed through with the head-slap and glared at Jimmy for daring to interfere._

_What Gibbs didn't expect was the hiss of pain that came from his SFA. In shock, he watched the younger man try to stand and actually reach his feet before collapsing to the floor. Gibbs was shoved roughly to the side by someone calling Tony's name and he was shocked to see that it was Palmer. He was even more shocked when Palmer ordered him to call an ambulance, call Ducky and get the hell out of the way. Too stunned to retort, Gibbs did as Palmer said. And as he looked at the pale, still form of his Senior Field Agent – his friend – he thought, 'Oh, God – what have I done?'_

_END FLASHBACK_

Abby had walked into the bullpen looking for Gibbs just as the paramedics were preparing to take Tony to the hospital. Palmer looked like he was planning on riding in with Tony but there was no way Gibbs was going to let that happen – or so Abby thought. At the expected, "I'll go in with him" from Gibbs, Palmer turned to the lead agent and spoke with pure venom, "I think _you've_ done enough, Agent Gibbs. I'm riding in with him. Dr. Mallard will update you on Tony's condition – if Tony gives him permission. You just stay the hell away from him!" And with that the young man was gone, running after the paramedics and his injured friend.

Now glancing at Jimmy as they headed toward Tony, Abby realized how much they had all underestimated him. Jimmy Palmer had been a friend to Tony when he needed it, when the rest of them had let him down. Tony had trusted Jimmy and Ducky but lost faith in everyone else. As they drove on through the evening, the sound of light jazz surrounding them, Abby made a vow to make it up to not just Tony but to Jimmy and Ducky as well. Somehow she would make it right and bring Tony back to NCIS where he belonged. She didn't realize just how impossible that would be.

A/N: Okay – I know I didn't really answer any questions but I promise I will in the next chapter which will also include the Abby/Tony reunion.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews and alerts. My apologies for not answering them all individually but I'm having some medical issues that are really making things kind of crazy right now. I promise to do better. And I still don't own them. Crap.

Chapter 3

To say that Abby was stunned when they reached their destination would have been an understatement. She wasn't sure what she was expecting but it definitely wasn't the big two-story farmhouse, complete with barn and horses. "Whose house is this?" she asked. "Is Tony staying with friends?"

"It's Tony's house," answered Jimmy. "He's owned it for awhile but it was too far from DC to live in full time. That's why he kept an apartment. Bob and Mary Pat Henderson take care of the place for him. They're kind of like Tony's surrogate parents so watch out – they are really protective. But don't worry – they're gonna love you."

Abby was suddenly even more nervous than before. She was already freaking out about seeing Tony again but now she was going to be meeting his 'family' too. "You could have warned me, Jimmy," she said accusingly.

"Why? Would it have stopped you from coming?" He grinned at her, knowing that _nothing_ would have kept her from Tony now that she knew where he was. "C'mon – let's go in. He's probably more nervous than you are."

They went inside through the back door. To Abby's surprise, Jimmy didn't even knock. He just went in shouting, "Mary Pat? We're here."

A woman that Abby assumed to be Mary Pat came into the kitchen. She was short and slightly overweight with a glowing smile. She hugged Jimmy in what was obviously a familiar gesture. Then, to Abby's surprise, she wrapped Abby in a hug as well. Never one to turn down a hug, Abby happily returned it. "You must be Abby," said Mary Pat. "I'm so glad you came." Turning to Jimmy, she added, "He's been in a state all day. He didn't say anything but I know he's worried. You know where to find him."

Taking Abby's hand, Jimmy said, "Come on. Let's get this over with before both of you explode." Seeing Abby's hesitation, Mary Pat added, "Just give him a little time, Abby. He's been through a lot. Try to understand." Afraid to speak, Abby just nodded and allowed Jimmy to lead her away.

They walked down a flight of stairs to what Abby assumed was the basement. She was again surprised as she saw what was obviously a fully equipped music studio. But what really caught her eye (and ear) was Tony seated at the piano. He was so involved in the music that he didn't hear them come in. Abby just stood still and listened – she had no idea that he was that talented – until Jimmy gave her a gentle nudge. "Go on," he whispered. "I'll be upstairs."

Nervously, Abby entered the room. At the sound of her footsteps, Tony stopped playing but didn't turn around. "Abby?" he whispered.

She couldn't wait. Covering the distance between them in a flash, she sat down on the piano bench beside him and engulfed him in a hug.

Feeling her tears soaking his shirt, Tony said, "God, I've missed your hugs."

"I've missed giving them to you. Why did you leave us, Tony? Why?"

Tony sighed, still holding Abby close. "It's complicated, but I'll try to explain. But that's for later. Right now I just want to see you."

Abby started to pull away but was startled when Tony put his forehead against hers and slowly raised his hands to her faced. She froze as he gently traced his fingers over her cheekbones, her nose, her lips – and suddenly she knew. "Oh, Tony," she whispered. "No. Why didn't you tell us – tell me?"

"I couldn't, Abby. I was in a really bad place then and it was hard for me to trust anyone, even Jimmy and Ducky. I even pushed my friends here away and I've known them longer than you guys. It was hard enough to get through all of the rehab, to learn how to do even the simplest things again. Hell, I'm still learning."

"Is it . . . are you . . .?" She couldn't finish but he knew what she was asking.

"I can see light and shadow, some color but nothing more. And before you ask, no there's nothing they can do. This is as good as it's going to get."

"Ducky told us you were sick but he wouldn't tell us anything else. Will you tell me now, Tony? Please?"

Sighing again, Tony said, "You remember when I had to go to the hospital after Mike Franks hit me?"

_Flashback:_

_The ER doctor's wasted no time in admitting Tony to the hospital and immediately sent him up for tests. Jimmy called Ducky to let him know what was going on and then went back to Tony's room to wait for his return. When they brought him back, he was conscious but not really coherent. The orderlies told him that the doctor would be in as soon as they had the test results so Jimmy sat down beside Tony's bed to wait. The nurse came in and checked the IV that had been started and made sure that their patient was comfortable. Smiling at Jimmy, she left, telling him to hit the call button if he needed anything._

_When two doctors came into the room later on, Jimmy was worried. Seeing that Tony was asleep they asked Jimmy to step outside. The first doctor, a Dr. Hamilton, spoke first, "We have the test results. You may want to contact someone from Mr. DiNozzo's family before we go over them with him."_

"_Tony's is not in contact with his family but Dr. Donald Mallard and I are listed as Tony's next of kin and medical POA's. As much as I want to know what's going on, I would feel better if Dr. Mallard was here as well. I'll give him a call."_

_Jimmy didn't know that Dr. Mallard was already on his way to Bethesda. After the ambulance had left, Ducky had turned the full force of his rage toward Gibbs, and it was a sight to behold. "Have you completely taken leave of your senses?" he hissed in anger. "You knew that he was injured yet you insisted that he stay here and complete his report. And then, for some unknown reason you decide to hit him? In the head?"_

"_Ducky, I. . ." Gibbs started but Ducky would not allow him to continue._

"_I don't know what your problem is, Agent Gibbs, but you need to stop taking it out on Anthony. I'm surprised he's put up with you as long as he has. I, for one, have had enough." He turned on his heel and headed for the elevator. "I am going to the hospital. Anthony needs to have his friends nearby. You can stay here – I will call you if – and only if – he wants to see you."_

"_But I'm his next of kin," Gibbs protested. "I need to be there."_

_Ducky snorted. "Really, Jethro. Did you think Anthony would keep you as his next of kin when we didn't even know where you were? He changed it to me and Mr. Palmer shortly after you left for Mexico and apparently didn't see any reason to change it back when you returned since you apparently were unconcerned with his well-being." With that he left, leaving Gibbs staring after him._

_When Jimmy called, Ducky was already entering the parking lot and he told Jimmy that he would be there in just a few minutes. True to his word, the ME soon walked up to the nurse's station where Jimmy was standing with the two doctors._

"_Dr. Mallard," said Jimmy. "This is Dr. Hamilton and . . ." He stopped, realizing he didn't know the other doctor's name._

"_Dr. Adelman," the man answered, holding out his hand to shake Ducky's. "I'm a neurologist. Dr. Hamilton called me in to review Mr. DiNozzo's test results."_

_Jimmy was suddenly nervous. A neurologist – that couldn't be good. "What wrong with Tony?" he asked worriedly._

_Dr. Hamilton sighed. "Let's go see if Mr. DiNozzo is awake and we'll explain the results."_

_They went into Tony's room where he was finally waking up. He blinked tiredly and looked around the room. He was slightly alarmed to see the two doctors with Jimmy and Ducky. One doctor was bad enough, but two . . . well, that could only mean bad news._

_The two doctors introduced themselves and, like Jimmy, the neurologist set off Tony's alarms. "What's wrong with me?" Tony asked bluntly._

_Tony was glad that Jimmy and Ducky were there to interpret. Otherwise he would have been overwhelmed by everything the doctors were telling him. His migraines were apparently not migraines. He had a brain tumor and it was dangerously close to his optic nerve, perhaps even wrapping around the nerve. They were talking about bringing in the oncologist (oncologist, God – he had cancer, he had CANCER in his brain) and radiation treatments and surgery and suddenly it was all too much. "Stop!" he shouted. "Please. Stop. Just tell me the bottom line."_

_Dr. Adelman spoke again. "I'm sorry, Mr. DiNozzo. Okay – bottom line. The tumor is apparently fast growing since there was no sign of it on the scans they took several months ago. We need to start treatment immediately. We will use radiation to shrink the tumor and try to minimize the damage to the optic nerve. We will then surgically remove the tumor. We will not do a biopsy first because the initial treatment will be the same whether the tumor is benign or malignant. If it is malignant, we will follow up with a round of chemotherapy to improve the chances of getting it all."_

"_Best case and worst case scenario?" Tony asked, his face impassive but his mind racing 100 miles an hour._

"_Best case – the radiation shrinks the tumor, we go in and get it all and it's benign. Worst case – the radiation shrinks the tumor but we can't limit optic nerve involvement. We remove the tumor but damage the optic nerve. The tumor's malignant and you have to have chemo. Or it could be anywhere between the two."_

"_Optic nerve damage? What does that mean?"_

"_Some level of visual impairment, from minor to total blindness. Unfortunately, there's no way to know. What I do know is that the longer we wait to treat this, the more damage there will be."_

_Tony nodded. He appreciated the doctor's candor but he was really glad that Ducky and Jimmy were there. "Side effects of the treatment?"_

"_The radiation can cause nausea, skin irritation, fatigue . . ."_

"_Hair loss?" Tony interrupted._

"_Yes, usually within two weeks of beginning the treatment."_

"_Can I keep working?"_

"_As long as you feel up to it, I don't see why not. You'll need someone to drive you, though. And someone to bring you in for your treatments."_

"_I'll do it," Jimmy offered. _

_Tony looked at Jimmy and smiled, "Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Could I . . .could I have a few minutes to myself? I kind of need to process some things. You and Ducky talk to these guys and figure out the treatment. I trust you."_

_Patting Tony on the arm, Jimmy nodded and said, "We'll take care of it. I'll be back in a minute, okay?"_

_At Tony's nod, the four men left the room. And Tony turned his face into the pillow and cried._

_End Flashback_

"I know now that I should have told you guys what was going on. At the very least, I should have told you. Do you forgive me, Abs?"

"There's nothing to forgive, Tony. I just wish that I had been there to help you get through it."

"You're here now, though. That's all that matters." He held her close then pulled away and gently kissed her forehead. "Now, c'mon, let's go get something to eat."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: First of all, I apologize for not responding to the reviews personally. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. And thanks for all of the alerts and favorites as well. I have to post this now or I'm going to rewrite it forever. I'm also working on the next chapter of The More Things Change – hope to have it up tomorrow. Usual disclaimers apply – not mine, no matter how much I want them to be.

Chapter 4

The rest of the evening passed way too quickly. Dinner was relaxed and Abby enjoyed meeting Tony's friends. Bob and Mary Pat Henderson lived at the house with Tony. Mary Pat took care of the house and Bob took care of the horse farm. Abby was pleasantly surprised to learn that the horses Bob bred were some of the most sought after in the area. She also met Brian and Corinne McConnell. Brian was Tony's personal trainer who also had numerous clients in the DC area while Corinne (who had been with Tony at the mall) was Tony's business manager/personal assistant.

After dinner, they all went down to the music studio and had an impromptu jam session. Tony played the piano, Brian played drums, Bob played the bass, and Jimmy (another surprise) was amazing on the electric guitar. She hated to leave but since both she and Jimmy had to be at work the next day, they had to cut the evening short. Before she left, Abby grabbed Tony in one of her bone-crushing hugs. "Can I still come over this weekend?" she asked.

"You can come over anytime, Abs," Tony answered, returning her hug. "In fact, I'm planning to have a little dinner party the Saturday after Christmas. I was, uh, thinking about inviting the team. Do you think they would come?"

"Oh, Tony! That's a great idea! That's a week from Saturday, right? Can I help? What can I do? Just tell me and. . . ."She stopped only when Tony gently placed his hand over her mouth.

"Easy, Abby," he laughed. "Yes, you can help. Do you think, maybe, that you could. . .well could you maybe ask. . ."

It was Abby's turn to interrupt. "I'll be glad to ask them, Tony. I assume you mean Ziva and Tim – and Gibbs, right?"

"Yeah. " He was quiet for a minute. "I'm scared, Abby. I'm not the same person that I used to be. What if they don't like me anymore? Hell, I'm not sure they ever liked me. Ow! Why did you do that?" He had forgotten that Abby tended to punch people in the arm if they pissed her off – but she had just reminded him of that fact, quite painfully.

"Don't you dare talk like that, mister! They've always liked you and always will."

"Well, they just had a funny way of showing it." Smiling, he continued. "Let's just see what they say when you ask them and we'll go from there. Why don't we say 7:00 on the 27th, dressy casual, okay?"

Realizing that Tony wasn't going to discuss it any further Abby relented. "Okay, Tony. I'll call you tomorrow." Giving him one last hug, she and Jimmy left.

Abby was uncharacteristically quiet on the way back to DC. Jimmy left her alone for a few before breaking the silence, "What are you thinking about, Abby?"

Abby sighed. "We were so awful to him, Jimmy. I don't blame him for pushing us away. I just can't believe he's willing to give us another chance."

Jimmy hesitated for a moment before he spoke, "Tony and I got really close when Gibbs left. He didn't feel like he could talk to any of you guys because you were all so focused on Gibbs leaving you didn't even realize how much he was hurting. Of course, you guys had no idea that he and Gibbs were. . ." Jimmy stopped suddenly. He had almost revealed the main reason that Tony had turned away from his team.

Abby stared at Jimmy. "Jimmy, I think you need to finish that sentence."

"Forget that I said anything, Abby. Not my story to tell. Just understand that Tony was hurting more than any of you realized, emotionally and physically. He started having headaches, bad ones. Some days he was in such bad shape he could hardly see – then McGee and Ziva would leave early and Tony would be stuck with all of the paperwork. He would end up working until midnight then sleeping in the office because he couldn't drive."

Abby knew that there was definitely something that Jimmy wasn't saying but she wasn't going to push him. Besides, she had a pretty good idea of what that something was – she had suspected for quite a while. It killed her, though, to hear what Tony had gone through while his so-called friends had been totally oblivious. "How did we miss it? I mean, how could we not see what Tony was going through?"

"Hey, you were all trying to deal with Gibbs leaving, especially you. I know you see him as a father-figure and you had to feel abandoned. I'm not minimizing what you went through – I just want you to see Tony's side. Tim and Ziva, though, it's a little harder for me to let them slide. They didn't have the same bond with Gibbs that you and Tony had."

Abby was quiet for a little while then she asked, "How bad were the treatments?"

Again Jimmy hesitated before answering, "You know he started the radiation treatments while he was still working, right? He wanted to work as long as he could but he was so sick – the side effects hit him hard but he didn't want to let any of you know what was going on. I still don't understand how you guys didn't notice."

"We just thought he was on desk duty because of the head injury. We had no idea he was that bad."

"C'mon, Abby! Give me a break!" Jimmy's anger finally boiled over. "You could _see_ how sick he was. He was pale, losing weight – you'd have to be blind not to notice!"

He and Abby both winced at his ironic choice of words and Abby cried out through her tears, "I don't know!" She shook her head and repeated in a whisper "I don't know." And as she thought back to that last week before Tony left, she couldn't believe that she hadn't noticed just how sick Tony had been.

_Flashback:_

_Tony stayed in the hospital for two days. While he was there, he started his radiation therapy and scheduled his future treatments. He had sessions with more doctors than he could keep track of – thank God Ducky was there. Tony trusted the ME to take care of everything – he knew Ducky would have his back._

_Ducky made Tony stay out of work for the rest of the week. He wanted to see how Tony reacted to the treatments. They did make him nauseous, but the medication they gave him helped. The fatigue was a little harder to deal with but Ducky made him promise to come down to Autopsy to nap in Ducky's office when he needed to. Jimmy was going to bring Tony to work and either he or Ducky would take Tony to Bethesda each day for treatments. It was a system that was working until Tony's last day in the office._

_Tony knew he wouldn't be able to work much longer if he was going to keep his illness a secret. He looked like death warmed over and he couldn't make it through the day without a nap. But it was the hair loss that did him in. He was working at his desk when McGee and Ziva came in from lunch. Walking up behind Tony, McGee commented, "Whoa, Tony! What happened? You finally decided to give up on the Rogaine?"_

"_What are talking about, Tim?" asked Ziva._

"_Tony's hair – or should I say lack of it!" Tony winced. He had cut his hair shorter than usual but it was noticeably thinner, especially at the back and crown. _

_Ziva decided to join in, not noticing Tony's growing discomfort. "Well, well, well! Perhaps all of those years of using so much gel on your hair are taking their toll. Perhaps you should call – what is it on television, Tim? The Hair Club?"_

_Tim snorted. "Yeah, Tony – maybe they'll even let you be on the infomercial."_

_Tim and Ziva laughed. The fact that Tony didn't respond to their comments should have been a red flag, but they were so caught up in their little game, they didn't notice. Before it could go any further, however, Gibbs walked in. "Grab your gear! Got a dead marine." He tossed a note on Tony's desk. "See what you can find out, DiNozzo, and call me when you have something." He turned to leave, then got in a parting shot, "Oh, and Ziva's right – you might want to check out that Hair Club thing."_

_The sound of their laughter haunted Tony as they left the bullpen. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his phone and called Ducky. When the ME answered, Tony said, "Hey, Ducky. Listen, I think it's time."_

_Ducky was concerned. "What happened, Anthony?"_

"_No big deal. I just can't handle it anymore. I know you and Jimmy have to go to the crime scene so I'm going to call Corrine to pick me up. I'm glad we already did the paperwork for my medical leave. I've got some research to do for Gibbs and then I'll go tell Jen that we're submitting my paperwork."_

"_To hell with the research!" Ducky responded in uncharacteristic anger." Go speak to Jennifer and I'll have Mr. Palmer to take you home. I can manage without his assistance. You need him more than I do."_

"_Thanks, Ducky. I'm sorry – I wanted to work longer but I just can't. I'm tired and I just want to go home." He paused for a minute. "I don't want the others to know what's wrong with me. You can tell them that I have cancer, I guess, but don't tell them what kind. And definitely don't tell them the prognosis – I don't need their pity. They probably won't care anyway."_

"_Anthony, I think you underestimate them, but I will abide by your wishes. Mr. Palmer will be there in just a few minutes and I will see you later."_

_They finished the call and Tony packed up his desk. He had already taken most of his things home, a little at a time so his teammates wouldn't notice. Before going to see the director, Tony took the box containing Gibbs' medals out of the drawer and placed it on Gibbs' desk. He left his weapon and cell phone on his desk but kept his badge. Technically he was on medical leave so he was still considered an agent – but in his heart he knew that he would never be back._

_End Flashback_

Abby remembered how angry Gibbs had been when they had returned from the scene. He had called Tony multiple times with no answer. By the time they got back to the bullpen, Gibbs was ready to rip Tony's head off – until he saw the box on his desk. A few minutes later, Gibbs saw Ducky go up to the director's office carrying a file and he wasn't surprised to be summoned to join them soon afterwards. Gibbs had been stunned at the news of Tony's illness. When Ducky had told the others, they had been shocked as well. Why hadn't Tony told them?

Abby had noticed that Tim and Ziva looked guilty when they found out that Tony was sick and she called them on it. When she found out that they had been kidding him about losing his hair, she was furious. She had been even angrier when she found out that Gibbs had also participated in the teasing. Poor Tony – going through radiation treatments and all of those horrible side effects and here they were making fun of him. But Abby knew that she wasn't without blame. While Gibbs was gone, she had cried for him every day, refusing to acknowledge Tony as the team leader. When Gibbs returned, she jumped on the bandwagon with everyone else, welcoming him home with open arms – and pushing Tony out of the way.

They had all been so glad to have Gibbs back they forgot how hard Tony had worked to keep them going. Instead, they had followed Gibbs' lead, rubbing it in Tony's face that he had been demoted (so had McGee, but nobody made a big deal about _that_.) No wonder he didn't trust them. Abby angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks. No matter what it took, she was going to make things right again. And the first thing she was going to do was have a talk with Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay, I was reminded in a review that I should probably put a slash warning here. (You may have noticed that I added it to the summary as well.) When I say slash, though, I mean relationships only – I will not be writing any sex scenes. If you don't like that sort of thing, then don't read – and I apologize for misleading or offending any of my readers. (I'll also be updating the summary for The More Things Change to reflect the slash relationship as well). That said – as usual, don't own them, just playing with them. Now on to chapter 5.

Chapter 5

Abby entered her lab on Tuesday morning with a smile. She had had an amazing time the night before and couldn't wait to see Tony again on Saturday. As she turned on her machines (and her music) she thought back to her conversation with Jimmy on the way home. Maybe she was reading more into his statement than there really was but it seemed like he was implying that the relationship between Gibbs and Tony may have been more than boss/subordinate.

Looking back, Abby realized that there had definitely been signs – the head slaps that lingered a little too long, arriving at the office and/or leaving together, the way the two men could carry on an entire conversation without speaking a word. But all of that had stopped when Gibbs had returned from Mexico. She frowned. If there had been a more intimate relationship before Mexico, then there were only two possible explanations for Gibbs' post-Mexico behavior. Either Gibbs didn't remember Tony as any more than his senior field agent _or_ he did remember and was pretending not to in order to end the relationship. Frankly, both options sucked.

As she moved around the lab, making sure the computers were booted up and ready to go, Abby tried to figure out the best was to determine the truth. She could always just ask Gibbs flat out but on second thought, that probably wasn't a good idea. After a while, she decided that that she would make a really big deal about seeing Tony and about how great he looked. She would observe the others' reactions (especially Gibbs) and then extend Tony's invitation for the 27th. Checking the time, she decided to visit Ducky and Jimmy first then go to the bullpen and put her plan into action.

When Abby walking into Autopsy, Jimmy looked up and grinned. "Didn't I just see you a few hours ago?" he laughed.

Smiling, Abby replied, "I wanted to say thank you – again – for taking me with you last night. You have no idea how great it was to see him again. Now I just have to make it through the rest of the week. Saturday seems so far away!"

"It will go by quickly, Abby. I know Tony's looking forward to it as much as you are. And before you ask – yes, I already talked to him this morning."

"This early? I figured he would sleep in!"

"No, he gets up at 6:00 every morning. Brian comes in at 6:30 and they work out. Plus he has an appointment at Bethesda at 10:00 – just a follow up, nothing to worry about – so he has to get ready for that. I'm meeting him and Corinne for lunch at Gallagher's around 12:30 – want to join us?"

"Do you even have to ask? Of course I do!"

"I'll come by the lab and pick you up around 12:15." To Abby's surprise, Jimmy gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. "Talk to you later."

Abby went up to the bullpen, hoping that the team hadn't been called out. To her delight, they were all their desks, working diligently – or so she thought until she saw McGee scrolling through eBay. "Hey, guys!" she called, strolling in and planting herself on McGee's desk. "Ask me about my evening."

Smiling, Ziva asked, "How was your evening, Abby?"

"Why, thank you for asking! It was totally awesome! I was so afraid that Tony was going to be angry with me be he wasn't. And he looks great." Glancing around, she tried to catch Gibbs' reaction before continuing, "And you should see his house. It's absolutely gorgeous – and he has horses! Well, Bob takes care of the horses and Mary Pat takes care of Tony and the house. Then there's Brian and Corinne and of course, Jimmy and Ducky. I can't wait to see him again on Saturday." She decided not to mention that she was meeting him for lunch later and paused to let the team respond.

Gibbs was resolutely silent but Ziva asked, "And he is healthy, Abby? Has he recovered from the cancer?"

Abby's hesitation was slight but Gibbs noticed, looking up sharply. "He's not where he was before, "said Abby cautiously, "and I don't think he ever will be. But he's still doing pretty well."

"Do you think he'll come back to work?" Tim asked quietly. "Although I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to. We treated him like crap."

Abby tried to fight the tears that came to her eyes but didn't quite manage it. "No, Tim. He won't come back. He would if he could, but it's not going to happen."

"But why? What's wrong?"

"It's not my place to say, Timmy. But – if you guys aren't busy on the 27th, Tony wants us all to come to his house for dinner."

Tim was stunned. "He actually wants to see us? After we were so awful to him?"

Abby winced at Tim's choice of words before answering. "He misses us. He knows that things will never be exactly the same, but he wants to try to rebuild the friendship. I think – I think he's scared."

"Well, as long as we do not get a case, I will definitely be there," Ziva stated. "I know that we are not on call that weekend. And I – I miss him, too." Ziva's last words were almost whispered and Abby could have sworn that she saw tears in the Israeli's eyes.

"Count me in, too," said Tim. "It's going to be good to see him again. Don't you dare tell him, but sometimes I kind of miss hearing him call me Probie."

Smiling, Abby turned to Gibbs, who had yet to say a single word. "What about you, Gibbs? Can I tell Tony that we'll all be there?"

Gibbs looked at Abby, fully intending to say no – but then he saw the look on her face. His intentions must have shown on his own face because suddenly there were tears in Abby's eyes and she whispered so only he could hear, "Please, Gibbs. Don't break his heart. I don't think he can take it again."

'_Again?'_ thought Gibbs, frowning. He wanted to ask her what she meant by the comment but knew that it was definitely not the time or place to do so. Aloud he said, "I'll go Abby. As long as we don't have a case."

With a squeal, Abby grabbed him in a hug. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I can't wait to tell Tony! He'll be so excited!" It was turning out to be a great day.

It had been a blissfully quiet morning and the MCRT was able to catch up on their paperwork. A little after noon, Tim asked Ziva and Gibbs if they wanted to go get some lunch. Ziva agreed and Gibbs declined, but asked instead that they bring something back for him. "I'm gonna call Abby and see if she wants to go with us, "Tim said, fully expecting her to join them. He was surprised, however, when Abby said she already had plans – with Palmer, of all people. Shrugging his shoulders, Tim and Ziva headed out.

"Where do you want to go today?" Tim asked.

Ziva thought for a moment before answering, "We have not been to Gallagher's for awhile. I really like the French dip there."

Nodding his head in agreement, Tim grabbed his jacket and the two of them headed out to lunch.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Gallagher's was crowded. Apparently every boss in every office in the area had decided that it was a good day to take the office staff out for lunch. Gallagher's, being a popular spot anyway, was swamped. The hostess at the front was doing her best to seat everyone as quickly as possible, but due to the number of people waiting it was going to be at least 30 minutes before a table would be available.

Tim and Ziva had made it in just before the rush and were next on the list to be seated. Seeing Abby and Jimmy come in, Tim called them over, saying, "Come on and sit with us. Otherwise, you're going to have to wait at least half an hour to get a table." Abby and Jimmy both looked a little panicked as they tried to figure a way out, but before they could say anything, Tony and Corinne entered the restaurant.

Corinne led Tony over to where Jimmy and Abby stood with Tim and Ziva. "Sorry we're late," she said, unaware of Abby and Jimmy's discomfort. "Traffic's crazy."

"Uh, hi guys," Jimmy said nervously. "Corinne, this is Ziva David and Tim McGee. Ziva, Tim – this is Corinne McConnell."

Corinne felt Tony stiffen beside her. She wasn't sure how to handle the situation but in true DiNozzo form, Tony took charge. "We've got plenty of room at our table. We can all sit together – c'mon." Arm in arm, Tony and Corinne headed for a large booth in the back corner, Jimmy and Abby following behind them. Tim looked at Ziva and shrugged, silently agreeing to join the others for lunch. Tim took the time to let the hostess know that she could take them off the list since they were going to join the others.

Tim and Ziva hurried over to the booth and sat down, noticing how Tony had seated himself in the back corner of the booth. Corinne was sitting on his right and Jimmy on his left and Abby sat next to Jimmy. Ziva slid into the booth next to Corinne with Tim beside her. After a moment's awkward silence, Tony took pity on his former teammates and broke the ice, "So, Abby says that you're both coming to dinner at my place after Christmas."

"Yeah, we are," said Tim. He hesitated for a moment before adding, "I was kind of surprised that you asked us, though. I mean, it's going on two years since we've seen you. Why now?"

Tony looked pensive for a minute, and then he answered, "It was time, I guess. I know I made the decision to cut myself off from all of you. I know now that it was the wrong thing to do, but I really wasn't thinking clearly then. I also realized that if I was ever going to have any kind of relationship with you again, I was going to have to make the first move. I'm really glad you're coming to dinner."

Ziva was shaking her head. "No, Tony, you cannot take all of the blame. Any of us could have made the effort to contact you. It is not like we did not know how to get in touch with you – we just had to ask Jimmy or Ducky. I'm sure either of them would have made sure you received the message."

They were interrupted by the waitress, who obviously knew Tony well. They shamelessly, but playfully, flirted while she took their drink orders. When she left, they all began perusing the menu. Everyone, Ziva realized, except Tony. She frowned. Something was definitely wrong – she just couldn't figure out what it was.

A few minutes later, the waitress brought their drinks and took their orders. Ziva was surprised when Corinne ordered for Tony. Things were getting more and more curious. It was only when Corinne moved Tony's drink to a precise spot to his right and guided his hand to it that Ziva began to realize just how much Tony had changed. _'Oh, Tony,'_ she thought. _'Why didn't you tell us?'_

Ziva's dismay must have shown on her face because Jimmy caught her eye and shook his head. Tony, however, was more than aware of what the sudden, awkward silence indicated. "So, Ziva –please tell me you're not wearing that ugly sweater today. I should have stolen that thing and destroyed it when I had the chance."

"My sweater is not ugly!" Ziva exclaimed. "And when would you have had the chance to steal any of my clothing?"

"I'm sure I could have figured out something. I mean, really, Ziva – what were you thinking when you bought that thing?"

"It was a gift – and for your information, it 'disappeared' last year."

Tim watched in confusion as the two former partners bantered back and forth. Ziva obviously wasn't wearing the sweater in question – why in the world would Tony ask her if she had it on? He would have to be blind not to . . . "You're blind?" Tim blurted out.

Everyone at the table turned to McGee in shock. How could he be so blunt? Tony, however, snorted with laughter. "I knew you'd make a great investigator, Probie! Your powers of observation are awesome!" Tim didn't respond so Tony continued. "It's okay, Tim. Really."

"How?" Tim asked.

"The cancer – it was in my brain. The tumor damaged the optic nerve. I'm not totally blind – I can see light and shadows, but that's about it." Okay, awkward silence number two. "Hey, I'm kind of glad we ran into you. It will be a lot less uncomfortable next weekend since everyone already knows."

"Everyone except Gibbs," Abby stated bluntly. "And I know just how to change that."

TBC

A/N: I know it's short but it's a good stopping place. Promise to post more by the weekend since I'm stuck on the couch


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks so much for all of the reviews, favorites and alerts. I hope I answered all of the reviews (I apologize if I missed anyone). It's short but it's a good stopping place. BTW, full disclaimer can be found on my profile page.

Chapter 7

Gibbs looked up as Tim and Ziva walked into the bullpen after lunch and noticed that they were empty-handed. Frowning, he said, "I thought you were going to bring me some lunch."

"Sorry, Boss," said Tim. "We ran into Abby and Palmer and two of their friends and we forgot to order. By the time we remembered, we didn't have time to wait, but don't worry, their friends are going to bring it by as soon as it's ready."

Gibbs was a little irritated but as long as he was getting food, he wasn't going to complain. He went back to work, not noticing the look that Tim and Ziva exchanged. Both were wondering how Gibbs was going to react when he saw his former Senior Field Agent for the first time in almost two years.

Tony had balked when Abby had first suggested the plan at lunch. He was terrified but not at the prospect of going back to NCIS. Even with all the crap that had happened when Gibbs came back from Mexico, it was the best job Tony had ever had and he missed it. He would have stayed with NCIS until he retired if the cancer hadn't reared its ugly head. The disease had turned his life upside down but he was getting better every day. No, he was afraid of seeing (well, not really _seeing _) Gibbs. He wasn't sure if he was ready – or even if he would _ever _be ready. But maybe it was time to put this last hurdle behind him.

Jimmy and Abby met Tony and Corinne at the security checkpoint, telling the guards that they were with him. Tony took Corinne's elbow as the three of them headed for Autopsy, not wanting to use the cane that made his handicap obvious. As they stepped into the elevator, Tony had to fight the urge to run. "I don't know if I can do this," he said softly. "I don't know if I can face him."

"It's okay, Tony," Jimmy said. "You're not doing this alone. Ducky is going to invite Gibbs to have lunch in his office. That way you don't have to deal with all of the other teams and Ducky and Corinne will be there for support."

When they walked into Ducky's office, the ME turned and smiled, "Anthony! I understand you had a good report from the doctors today."

"Yeah, Ducky," Tony replied as Corinne led him to a chair. "All the scans were clear and they want to start decreasing the anti-seizure meds. The downside is that until they get the dosage regulated, I might seize. I asked if we could wait until after the New Year. I've got too much going on between now and then to risk a seizure."

"Good thinking, dear boy. Who knows, perhaps you will be able to get off of the medications completely."

"That would be amazing. Not very likely but we can always hope." Tony hesitated. "Did you call him yet?"

"Yes, I did," Ducky answered. "As a matter a fact he should be here" – they heard the elevator arrive – "right now."

Tony wanted to bolt – this was _not_ a good idea. What the hell was he thinking?

Seeing the panic on Tony's face, Corinne leaned down and whispered, "It's okay, babe. If it gets too hard, Jimmy and I will get you out of here before Gibbs can say or do a thing."

Tony gripped her hand and tried to calm his breathing. When he heard the Autopsy doors open, he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was about to tell Corinne that he wanted to go, when Gibbs spoke, "I'm starving, Ducky. What did they . . ." Gibbs froze. Was that DiNozzo? What was he doing here? He suddenly realized the identity of the 'friends.' And he couldn't help but notice the beautiful blonde who was holding Tony's hand. Why in the world did that bother him?

"Ah, Jethro!" said Ducky, trying to cover another of those awkward silences that seemed to be coming more and more often in Tony's life lately. "Anthony and Corinne were kind enough to bring our lunch since our teammates were a bit forgetful."

Abby jumped in. "It wasn't really our fault! Jimmy and I were meeting Tony and Corinne for lunch and Ziva and Tim were there so we all ate together. We were having so much fun that we let the time get away from us and forgot to order your food and we couldn't let you starve so. . ."

She stopped only when Jimmy put his hand over her mouth. "I think Agent Gibbs gets the idea, Abby," he said with a grin. "Now, why don't we get out of the way so they can chat with Tony while they eat?" Jimmy grabbed Abby's hand and dragged her out of the room, ignoring her protests.

"It's been awhile, DiNozzo," Gibbs said.

"Yeah," Tony answered, "almost two years."

"So why come back now?"

The bluntness and tone of voice shocked Tony and he recoiled as if slapped. Both Ducky and Corinne looked at Gibbs in dismay – they couldn't believe he could be so cold. "You know what, Gibbs – you're right," Tony said. "Why the hell should I make the effort? Really, why should I expect you to give a damn now when you didn't before? C'mon, Corinne. Let's get out of here."

Tony stood and reached into this coat pocket, taking out his cane and unfolding it. Holding Corinne's elbow with his left hand and the cane in his right, the two left Autopsy, heading for the elevator. As they left, Corinne turned to Gibbs and said, "Tony was right – that second B really does stand for bastard."

Gibbs was stunned into silence. He realized that his comment didn't come out right, but he was never known for his tact. He would have clarified his statement; he was going to explain – and then Tony unfolded that cane. It was like Gibbs' tongue was glued to roof of his mouth. He couldn't speak and the only thought that kept whirling through his brain was _'He's blind – Tony's blind. Why? How?'_ Before he was able to say a word, Tony and Corinne were gone and Gibbs felt like he had just made the worst mistake of his entire life.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: See profile for full disclaimer. But basically – they ain't mine. Crap. Another A/N at the end.

Chapter 8

Ducky was just about to blast Gibbs for his treatment of Tony – until Gibbs looked at him and Ducky saw the genuine dismay on his friend's face.

"What happened to him, Ducky?" Gibbs asked quietly. "And why didn't you tell me?"

"It was the cancer, Jethro," Ducky replied gently, "It was in his brain and the optic nerve was damaged. And I didn't tell you because he asked me not to." He raised his hand to silence Gibbs when he saw that the other man was going to speak. "You have to understand that Anthony was in a bad place, physically and emotionally. He already felt unwanted by the team – do not look at me like that, Jethro. You know you and the others treated the boy abominably. He honestly didn't think that you, Ziva, Timothy and Abigail would care one way or another."

"My God, were we really that bad?" But Gibbs knew they had been. The day he had head-slapped Tony causing the younger man to collapse – he had felt horrible at the moment, but by the time Tony returned to work, Gibbs was back to his usual bastard self. "No wonder he thought we didn't care. We gave him no reason to think otherwise. And now I've screwed it up again."

Ducky started to reply when the Autopsy doors opened. Gibbs turned in surprise when he heard Tony say, "Ducky, could you take Corinne to Abby's lab please? Gibbs and I have some things to talk about."

NCISNCISNCIS NCISNCISNCIS NCISNCISNCIS NCISNCISNCIS NCISNCISNCIS NCISNCISNCIS

Tony and Corinne were almost to the elevator when Tony's stopped. "I have to go back," he said quietly.

"Tony, you do _not_ have to go back," Corinne argued. "You made the attempt and he cut you off. You don't have to put yourself through any more grief for that worthless. . ."

"Corinne," Tony interrupted. "Please take me back, or at least point me in the right direction."

Against her better judgment, Corinne allowed Tony to take her arm and she led him back to autopsy. The doors opened and she saw the two men engaged in what appeared to be a very serious conversation. Before she could say anything, Tony said, "Ducky, could you take Corinne to Abby's lab please? Gibbs and I have some things to talk about."

Corinne wanted to argue and she could tell that Ducky wanted to as well. As if he could sense their hesitation, Tony said, "Tell Abby she can come get me in ten minutes."

Corinne was silent as she led Tony to chair but the look she gave Gibbs spoke volumes. He knew that he had once chance (and a ten-minute one at that) and if he screwed it up, there wouldn't be another one. He nodded in acknowledgment. He would do his best.

When Ducky and Corinne left, Gibbs started to speak but Tony stopped him. "Let me say what I need to say, Gibbs," Tony said quietly. "If I don't say it now, I never will." He took a deep breath before continuing. "When you went to Mexico, I understood why you had to go. I can't imagine what it must have been like. But when you walked out with just a 'you'll do', a part of me died. I tried to keep everything together while you were gone but, as everybody kept telling me, I wasn't you. And I didn't want to be you. Hell, I wanted you, too. And then you came back, and it seemed like you remembered everything and everybody – except me, except . . ." Tony stopped. He wasn't going to reveal all, not yet anyway.

"You treated me like crap. And the others fed off you. The headaches were getting worse but I was scared to take a day to go to the doctor. Figured you wouldn't let me go anyway." Gibbs winced at both Tony's matter of fact tone and the unfortunate truth of the statement.

"The whole Mike Franks fiasco was the last straw. He hit me, Gibbs. Hard enough to give me a concussion. And what did you do? Did you make sure I went to the hospital? Take me home so I could get some rest? No, not you – no, you hit me _again_. And later, when I'm starting to get hit with all of the side effects from the cancer treatments, you join in when Ziva and McGee were making fun of me."

Tony shook his head. "I finally had enough. I really didn't think you guys gave a rat's ass about me, so I left. So your question – why come back now? Looking back, I kind of wonder the same thing myself. But the fact is, Jethro," – Gibbs looked up sharply at Tony's use of his first name – "I missed the team. I missed _you_. And the sad thing is - you don't even know why."

"Tell me, Tony," Gibbs said softly. "Tell me what I'm missing."

Tony shook his head. "I can't, Jethro. You have to remember on your own. Otherwise, it doesn't mean anything."

Before Gibbs could say anything, Abby burst through the doors and made her way to Tony's side. She gave Gibbs a look that strongly resembled the one that Corinne had given him earlier, but from Abby it was even scarier. Taking Tony's arm, she said, "Come on, Tony. Corinne's waiting in the lab." She glared at Gibbs as they left. But just before they went out the door, Tony stopped and turned to Gibbs, saying, "Think about what I said. If you want to talk, Ducky can give you my number." And then he was gone.

When Ducky came back to Autopsy a few minutes later, Gibbs was still standing in the same spot, seemingly lost in thought. "Jethro, are you okay?" Ducky questioned gently.

"I'm really not sure, Duck," Gibbs answered truthfully. "I know I'm missing something – something big – but I just can't get it. Can't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I cannot – will not – violate Anthony's trust. Now, I did not hear your conversation with Anthony but . . ."

"Wasn't much of a conversation – he talked and I listened. Didn't really have much choice."

Ducky smiled. "Well, apparently Anthony got a few things off of his chest. My suggestion is to go home and indulge in a little basement and boat time – but I would go light on the bourbon. You, my friend, have a lot to think about."

TBC

A/N: I know it's been forever but I decided I was going to complete all my stories before posting. So I've finished NCIS: The More Things Change, NCIS: In the Eye of the Beholder, and What's a Little Black Eye Between Friends. I will be posting weekly. I also have new stories in the works – a sequel/prequel to The More Things Change and a new AU. Thanks for all of the support and reviews. I'll try to do better at responding to reviews. Also, I'm not a doctor (although I did portray one in a play once) so if the medical stuff is wrong, I apologize in advance. I'll update my The More Things Change tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. And no, they're still not mine. (See profile for full disclaimer.) Thank you for all of the reviews and favorites – you guys are so awesome!

Chapter 9

As Tony and Abby neared her lab, Abby realized that Tony was trembling. "Tony, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. When he didn't answer, Abby took a closer look at her friend and noticed that he was very pale. "Corinne," Abby called as they entered the lab, "something's wrong with Tony."

Corinne recognized the signs of an impending panic attack and immediately moved to Tony's side. Grasping his arm, she began talking softly to him. His breathing was getting more and more labored and Corinne knew that he was going to pass out if she couldn't get him to calm down. She looked at Jimmy and mouthed 'get Ducky' not realizing that Palmer had already made the call.

Abby and Corinne were able to get Tony seated on Abby's futon, but he was showing no signs whatsoever of calming down. Suddenly, his body went limp and he slumped against Corinne. With Abby's help, Corinne was able to get Tony lying down on the futon. "Is he okay?" Abby said, voice trembling.

"He should be fine in a while," Corinne answered. "He'll just be embarrassed because he passed out – which he'll deny, of course, because DiNozzos don't pass out."

Jimmy moved to Tony's side and checked his pulse and found it to be a little high but settling down. Tony's breathing had calmed down as well but Jimmy still wanted Ducky to double check. At that moment, Ducky walked in, bag in hand. And to Jimmy's dismay, Gibbs was right behind him.

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Ducky had just finished his conversation with Gibbs when his phone rang. "Hello? Yes, Mr. Palmer – what! Oh, dear. I'll be right there." He ended the call, grabbed his bag and headed for the elevator. When the doors opened, Ducky realized belatedly that Gibbs was following him. Turning to the younger man, he said, "Jethro, you don't need to come with me. There is nothing for you to worry about."

"Don't give me that crap, Ducky," Gibbs replied. "You wouldn't grab your bag if it was nothing. It's Tony, isn't it? Something's happened to him. Damn it, Ducky – what's wrong with him?"

Ducky sighed. "Calm down, Jethro. He apparently had a panic attack when they got to Abigail's lab. He should be just fine but I'm going to check on him just make sure.

"Panic attack? Since when does DiNozzo have panic attacks?"

"Oh, I don't know – maybe since he woke up blind after having brain surgery. Or perhaps they started after his first seizure? Get it through that thick head of yours, Jethro. Anthony has been through hell over the last two years, and he still struggles every single day. You have no idea how it has been for him. His whole world changed, and even though he's come a long way he still has a long way to go. Now, if you're going to go with me you _will _stay out of the way and let me do my job."

Gibbs nodded his acquiescence and the two men made their way to Abby's lab where they found Tony lying on Abby's futon. Ducky quickly made his way to Tony's side, checking his pulse and respirations. He noticed Tony's eyelids fluttering and realized the younger man was about to wake up. Patting Tony's cheek, Ducky quietly called, "Wake up Anthony. That's it - open your eyes, my boy."

Hearing Ducky's voice, Tony struggled to do as he said. He finally opened his eyes and gradually became aware of his surroundings. He realized he was lying down and wondered what had happened. Seeing his confusion, Ducky softly said, "It's alright my boy. You had a panic attack but you're fine now. Do you feel like sitting up?"

Tony nodded and allowed the doctor to help him into an upright position. He was embarrassed. He hated it when he lost control but at least he hadn't had a seizure. He felt someone sit beside him and smiled as Abby's arms gathered him into a hug. "You scared me," she whispered. "Don't you dare do that again!"

"It's not like I planned it," Tony answered. "It's just a coping mechanism, at least that's what my therapist said. When I get overwhelmed, I kind of shut down. But I'm okay now - I promise."

"Allow me to make that determination, young man," Ducky stated firmly. "You passed out and that is definitely cause for concern."

"Hey – DiNozzos do not pass out!" Tony stated firmly, though the statement lost a bit of its authority when Abby, Corinne and Jimmy said it right along with him. While everyone laughed, Ducky proceeded to examine Tony.

"Well, Anthony, your heart rate is still a little faster than normal but otherwise everything seems to be all right," Ducky said. Before Tony could say 'I told you so,' Ducky continued, "However, I want Corinne to take you home and I want you to rest for the remainder of the day. And I _will_ be calling Mary Pat with those instructions so don't even think about trying to get out of it."

With a sigh, Tony said, "Fine, fine – I give up. C'mon, Corinne, get me out of here before he changes his mind and sends me to the ER." The fact that Tony didn't argue with Ducky let everyone know that Tony wasn't really feeling well at all.

After another hug from Abby, Tony and Corinne said their goodbyes. Gibbs had made it a point to stay silent as he watched the proceedings, so he was surprised when Tony turned toward him and said, "Bye, Gibbs. Think about what I said earlier. Oh, and in case you're wondering how I knew you were there– you smell like sawdust."

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Gibbs honestly didn't remember very much about the rest of the day. He knew that he went back to the bullpen and tackled the never-ending pile of paperwork on his desk. He may have talked to McGee and Ziva but if asked, he couldn't tell you what he or they had said. When the end of the day finally came (with no new case, thank God) he told the two younger agents to head out and the three of left the bullpen. Gibbs was glad to get out – Tim and Ziva had been staring at him like he had two heads – and he was looking forward to taking Ducky's advice. Basement, boat and (sorry, Ducky) bourbon. That was the plan anyway, but when he got home he found himself wandering through the rooms, brow furrowing as he again noticed several items that he couldn't imagine that he would ever purchase. The coffee maker, for example, was one of those new-fangled single cup things (which he hated at first, but when he got used to it, he kind of liked having a fresh cup of coffee every time.) And he couldn't figure out for the life of him why in the world he would have bought the big flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall in the den. And apparently he'd had cable installed (which he didn't realize until he got the bill.) He kept meaning to cancel the service but he had to admit that some of the shows were growing on him.

The biggest changes were in the bedroom. Gibbs had never been one to worry about more than the basic necessities, but the memory foam mattress and high thread count sheets were pretty nice. The closet was another thing that confused him. At some point he had built a large walk-in closet even though his clothes and shoes barely filled a quarter of it.

For some reason, Gibbs had made some major changes in his home (and his life). He knew that Tony was a big part of that reason and he was bound and determined to figure it out.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Usual disclaimers apply (full disclaimer in profile.)

Chapter 10

By the time Corinne and Tony arrived at his home, Tony was in the throes of a full-blown migraine (an unfortunate side effect of the panic attack.) Bob helped her get Tony inside, nearly carrying the younger man to his bedroom. Corinne pulled the shades then injected the medication that would ease his pain. She slipped quietly from the room and went downstairs to chat with Bob and Mary Pat, knowing that the meds would knock Tony out for several hours.

"What brought it on this time?" asked Mary Pat. She knew that the migraines only occurred when Tony was under a lot of stress or if he . . ."Oh, Lord, he didn't have a seizure did he?"

"Not this time, thank God. He had a panic attack, though, then he passed out. He seemed to be okay afterwards, just a little embarrassed. I had no idea that he was hurting until we were almost home. I should kick his ass for not saying something sooner – I had his meds with me. "

"What caused the panic attack? He hasn't had one in months – I was hoping that he was over that."

Corinne sighed and began to relate the events of the day, from the good news at the doctor's office to Tony's confrontation with Gibbs. She noticed how Mary Pat frowned when Gibbs was mentioned.

"Surely Tony isn't going to forgive that bastard! Or that so-called team either, for that matter! After the way they treated him, how could he even consider . . ."

"Mary Pat," Corinne interrupted gently, "he misses them. He wants to try to rebuild his relationship with them. He_ needs_ them, and after spending time with them today, I think they need him, too."

"He forgives too easily! They _hurt_ him, Corinne, they hurt my boy. He may be able to forgive, but I don't know if I can."

"I know how you feel, Mary Pat, but don't you see – if you reject his friends, then _you_ are going to hurt him. It won't be easy – I know you think of Tony as your son - but if you love him, you'll accept his decision to let them back into his life – even Gibbs."

Bob had remained silent throughout the conversation, but now he spoke up, "He is our son, maybe not by blood, but he is _ours_. I'm with Mary Pat – I don't like it one bit. For Tony, though, I'll give them a chance. But if they hurt him again, God help them – especially Gibbs."

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Gibbs went down to his basement, hoping to find solace in his boat, but to no avail. His mind was now filled with images – Tony in the basement, Tony in his kitchen, Tony on his sofa watching a movie, Tony in his _bed_. He grabbed a jar and poured a healthy shot of bourbon but didn't drink it. He didn't want to dull his senses with alcohol, as had become his wont. This was a time for clarity. Were these true memories or fantasies? Wait – why would he be fantasizing about Tony? They were both straight, weren't they?

It was so messed up. Were these feelings real? Could he have _really_ been in a sexual – even romantic – relationship with a man, with Tony? There was only one way to find out. Heading up the stairs, he was very glad that he hadn't had that drink. He was going to Middleburg.

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Tony woke up in total darkness and almost panicked before realizing that the lights were off and the shades drawn in deference to his migraine (at least he hoped that's what it was.) He sat up carefully, thankful that the excruciating pain from earlier had been replaced by a dull residual headache. Opening the crystal of his watch, he checked the time and found that he had lost about 4 hours. He vaguely remembered getting home and Bob almost carrying him up the stairs and to the bedroom. He assumed that Corinne or Mary Pat had given him his meds. He probably should have told Corinne that he felt the migraine coming on after the panic attack – she was going to give him a very hard time for that.

His bladder was telling him it was time to get up, so he slowly stood, grabbing on to the bedpost when he was hit with slight wave of dizziness. After a moment he made his way to the bathroom and took care of business. He went back to the bedroom, really wanting to crawl back under the covers and go back to sleep, but knowing that he really needed to eat something so he could take some more meds.

Tony left his room, wincing as the little bit of light that he could see kicked the headache up another notch. He walked carefully down the stairs, following his nose to the kitchen. Unsurprisingly, Mary Pat had been cooking, and it smelled like chicken and dumplings. When she heard Tony come in, she immediately went to him and wrapped him in a hug. "Feeling better?" she asked, leading him to the table. "I made your favorite – I hope you feel like eating."

"Headache's almost gone," Tony answered, "but I could use a couple of Tylenol. And I suppose I could force myself to eat a little – that is chicken and dumplings I smell, isn't it?"

"You know it is. Now here's your Tylenol and your water. I'll get your dumplings. Do you want something else to drink?"

"No, water's fine." He took the Tylenol and took an appreciative whiff of the bowl of dumplings Mary Pat placed before him. She told him where everything was placed on the table then turned to the sink. Tony loved the fact that she didn't hover over him, allowing him as much independence as he wanted, but there at a moment's notice if he needed help.

That had probably been the hardest thing to deal with in his recovery. Tony had always been fiercely independent. Then suddenly, he had to rely on someone else to help him with even the smallest task. He had come a long way, learning how to do all of those things that he had taken for granted – eating, getting dressed, even bathing and grooming himself. It didn't hurt that he had enough money to buy any of the latest technology available to assist in his adjustment to his new life, but the tech was no substitute for the support of his friends. He had learned that there was no shame in needing or asking for help, and he knew he was blessed to have such a strong support network. He smiled, realizing that he had now (hopefully) added Tim, Ziva and Abby to the group – and maybe someday, Gibbs. Feeling a peace that had evaded him for a long time, Tony finished his dinner and went upstairs to take a shower. He had the beginnings of a new song running around his brain and he wanted to get to the studio to record it before it got away from him.

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Gibbs felt a sense of déjà vu as he drove down the long driveway, a feeling that grew stronger when he saw the house. He knew that he had been there before but he couldn't quite grasp the details. He parked the car and got out, trying desperately to remember. He was startled by a less-than-friendly voice that asked bluntly, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Gibbs turned. The man who asked the question was tall, obviously ex-military, and vaguely familiar. "I'm looking for Tony DiNozzo," he said. Then, hesitantly, he asked, "I've been here before, haven't I?"

The other man's glare softened minutely. "Yeah, several times. God, you really don't remember, do you? I'm Bob Henderson. My wife Mary Pat and I take care of this place for Tony. Well, I take care of the horses and she takes care of him."

Gibbs shook his head in frustration. "I'm trying to remember. I _need_ to remember – it's like it's right there and I just can't grasp it."

"Look, I can't say that I understand everything that you're going through. But before I let you see Tony, there are some things that _you_ need to understand." Bob ran his hand through his hair before continuing. "I got out of the military about ten years ago. I wasn't really planning to, but . . .my son. . . he followed his dad's footsteps, joined the Corps right out of high school. He was killed in combat and my wife, Mary Pat, she just fell apart. He was our only child, the only one Mary Pat was able to carry full term, and losing him almost destroyed her. So I got out of the Corps and decided to buy a horse farm. We found this place but the owner wouldn't sell it. Instead, he offered me a partnership. I wasn't sure, but when Mary Pat met him, she smiled for the first time since we lost Derek." Bob paused again. "I'm telling you this so you can understand – Tony isn't just my business partner, he is my son. And if you hurt my son again, there is no place on earth you can hide. Got it?"

Gibbs nodded, knowing from the expression on Bob's face that the other man was dead serious. "There are still some things – a lot of things – I don't remember, but lately I've been getting flashes of things, events that just don't make sense. I can't figure out if they're real memories or . . . hell, I don't know. I just know that I need to talk to Tony, to find out if any of those things really happened."

"And what if the memories are real, Gibbs? What then?"

"I don't know. But I need answers and the only one that has 'em is Tony."

Bob sighed. "I'm going to let you see him, but let me talk to Mary Pat first. She might try to kill you if you walk in unannounced. Give me a minute." Bob walked inside and a few minutes later came back out and said, "She's not happy but she said she wouldn't kill you – yet. I'm going to take you to Tony, but if he tells you to go, you're out of here. And don't bother coming back."

Gibbs nodded. It seemed like he was doing a lot of that. "Thank you. I promise I won't do anything to hurt him. I just need to know."

"Come on then," Bob said and headed for the door. Gibbs followed, steering clear of the small woman in the kitchen who was glaring daggers at him. They went down a flight of stairs and Gibbs heard the sounds of a piano. And he froze as the sounds of the music triggered a flood of memories that literally dropped him to his knees.

TBC

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews and alerts. You guys are all so amazing!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Usual disclaimers apply (See profile for full disclaimer.) Also some OOC Gibbs here.

Chapter 11

Tony was so wrapped up in his music that he didn't hear Bob and Gibbs enter, was totally unaware of their presence until he heard Bob say, "Whoa, Gibbs! Are you okay?"

Gibbs? What the hell was Gibbs doing here? And what was wrong? "Bob? What's going on? Did I hear you say Gibbs?" Tony asked as he stood and headed toward Bob's voice. "Gibbs?"

Gibbs could hear people talking, pretty sure they were talking to him, but he couldn't focus. All of those memories, the ones that had been just out of reach, had assaulted his mind at the sight and sound of Tony at the piano. It was all there, from their first date, to the first time they made love, to when Tony had moved in with him. He also remembered the harsh words, the harder-than-necessary head slaps, and the mean-spirited teasing that he and the others had inflicted upon Tony.

"Come on, Gibbs, let's get you out of the floor," said Bob, helping him up and leading him to the sofa in the studio. To Tony he said, "I'm not sure what happened – we came down the stairs and he just dropped."

"Could you get a bottle of water out of the fridge?" Tony asked, sitting next to Gibbs. "And then could you give us a little time?" He sensed Bob's hesitation. "I'll be okay, Bob. We just need talk without an audience." Bob fetched the water and reluctantly went up the stairs, leaving the two men alone.

"Here," said Tony, pressing the bottle of water into Gibbs' hand. "I'd offer you some bourbon but there's no alcohol in the house. I can't drink so Mary Pat refuses to let anyone else have any fun either."

Gibbs took the water but remained silent, so Tony continued. "I'm assuming you came here for a reason. It's not like you were just in the neighborhood. And unfortunately I can't read your body language so you're going to have to talk."

"I've been remembering things, just flashes here and there, that didn't make sense," Gibbs said quietly. "The only constant in the memories, if that's what they were, was you."

"Why didn't they make sense?"

"Because I'm not gay!" Gibbs jumped to his feet. "I've been married four times – to women. I can't recall ever being attracted to a man, and suddenly I'm having these images of you in my bed. I came here to find out if they were real."

"And if I tell you that it's all true?"

"I already know – when I walked in and saw you at the piano, heard you playing. Everything came back, and I do mean everything. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, though. And. . ." Gibbs hesitated, then continued, "I don't see how you can ever forgive me, for the way I treated you, and the way I allowed everyone else to treat you. There's no excuse for what I did."

"You're right – there is no excuse," Tony said bluntly. "For so long, I've just been wanting you to remember. I wanted things to go back to the way they were. But now that your memories have come back, I realize that things can never be the same."

"But they can, Tony, just . . ."

"Hear me out, Jethro. Things can't be the same because _I'm_ not the same – this is as good as it's gonna get. If anything, it will get worse."

"Worse? But I thought the cancer was gone?"

"It is, for now. It could possibly come back somewhere else, but that's not what I was talking about. I'm legally blind, Jethro. And what little bit of vision I have is probably going to fade until I'm totally blind. I get debilitating migraines when I get overly stressed. I wouldn't even leave the house for year except to go to the doctor. I'm still terrified every time I leave my comfort zone. So, no Gibbs, things cannot and will not be the same."

"It doesn't matter to me, Tony. If you'll have me I want to work things out."

"But it matters to me! Before Mexico, before cancer, I was your partner. We were equals, we relied on each other, we trusted each other. You say you want to work it out, but how can I know that you won't pack up and leave again if it gets too hard."

"You know I didn't leave because of you. I didn't remember you, didn't remember anything except my girls."

"You didn't come back for me, either," Tony said quietly. "Ziva – yeah, you came back for her. You even came back for Fornell. But not me. I was just the place-holder until you came back - a fact that you made abundantly clear when you decided to dump all of my things on my desk."

"I know I handled that wrong, but. . ."

"You're damn right you handled it wrong!" Tony was angry now. "You could have called, told me you were staying. I would have come in and moved my things. But I could have dealt with that – my instant demotion – if you hadn't started in with your 'let's show DiNozzo who's really boss' campaign. And then McGee and David jumped right on that bandwagon – your behavior made them believe that it was open season on me, and you did nothing to change their attitude." Tony stopped, his posture deflating, the anger replaced with sorrow.

"I was so tired, Jethro. Tired of the crap I was getting from you and the rest of my so-called team. Tired of trying so hard to figure out what I had done to piss you off so bad. Tired of wondering if you really didn't remember what we had or if it was just a convenient way to end the relationship. I can't do that again."

"But you're willing to try and fix things with Abby, Ziva and McGee. Why them and not me?"

"Because if I do let them in and it doesn't work out, it'll hurt but it won't destroy me," Tony answered quietly.

Gibbs thought about that answer for a moment, realizing what Tony was saying. Carefully considering his words, Gibbs took Tony's hand before speaking, grateful that the younger man did not pull away. "When I came back, I wanted everything to go back to the way it was, or at least the way I thought it was. For some reason, though, the pieces just wouldn't fall into place. So I blamed it on you, decided that you were pissed about being demoted so you were trying to keep things from running as smoothly as they had before. I figured if Ziva, McGee and Abby were so glad to have me back that you must have sucked as a team lead. It was only after you were gone that Jenny sat me down and read me the riot act. She also told me that you turned down Rota."

Tony shrugged. "I thought I was doing the right thing. You still weren't 100 percent, even though you wanted us to think you were. I thought the team needed me and I hoped you did. Guess I was wrong."

"You weren't wrong, Tony. We were the ones that were wrong. Especially me. And if you'll just give me another chance, I'll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you."

"I need some time, Jethro. I've wanted this so bad for so long, but now that it's here, I'm not so sure. Can you give me a few days? Please?"

Gibbs heart twisted at Tony's words but he sighed and nodded before remembering that Tony couldn't see him. "I understand, Tony. I probably need a few days too. I'll go now." He started up the stairs, looking back to see Tony on the sofa, head down and deep in thought. Gibbs just prayed that Tony would find it in his heart to give him another chance.

TBC

A/N: BTW – the whole Jeanne arc never happened in this universe.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Usual disclaimers apply (See profile for full disclaimer.)

Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and favorites. You guys are awesome! Unfortunately, they still aren't mine – just playing with 'em for a little while. (Full disclaimer in profile.)

Gibbs made the drive home on autopilot. Now that the memories were back he was almost overwhelmed with their intensity. And he was ashamed. No wonder Tony was having second thoughts. Gibbs shook his head, disgusted with himself. He didn't deserve to be back in Tony's life but he prayed that somehow Tony would forgive him. Now that his memories were back, he couldn't imagine not having Tony in his life. Even if he couldn't have a relationship with Tony, maybe, just maybe, they could still be friends.

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When Gibbs left with barely a goodbye, Bob decided to give Tony a few minutes to himself, figuring the younger man might need some time. After about half an hour, he made his way down the stairs and saw Tony sitting on the sofa, head in his hands. "Tony," he called softly. "Are you okay?"

Tony turned toward Bob's voice and answered, "I don't think so."

Bob was stricken by the absolute desolation in Tony's voice and he became angry. "What the hell did that bastard say to upset you? I told him he better not hurt you. Honest to God, Tony, if he comes back I'm gonna turn Mary Pat loose on him and if there's anything left, I'll finish him off."

"Calm down, Bob," Tony said with a small smile. It was nice to know that someone cared for him so much but he wasn't going to allow Gibbs to suffer the wrath of Bob and Mary Pat (especially Mary Pat – she could be scary!) "Gibbs didn't do anything. I . . . I sent him away. I told him I needed some time. God, what was I thinking! I've been waiting on him to remember for so long and when he does I send him away!"

"Calm down, Tony. Tell me what happened." Tony gave Bob an abbreviated version of his and Gibbs' conversation. When he finished, Bob took a minute to carefully consider his response. "You did the right thing, Tony. I think both of you need some time to sort things out."

"What if he decides he's better off without me? What do I do then?"

"Then at least you know and you can get on with your life without the 'what ifs' hanging over your head. For once in your life, Tony, do what _you_ want to do and stop trying to please everyone else. If you want a relationship with Gibbs, go for it, but take it slow and give both of you a chance to get used to the new normal. If you don't think you can handle it, then tell him so both of you can move on."

"God, you make it sound so easy."

"I know it won't be easy. Things that are important never are=. Decide what you want and know that whatever you decide, you won't be alone."

Tony sat quietly for a minute then said quietly, "Thanks, Bob. I think I'm gonna play for a little while and try to get my thought together. Tell Mary Pat I'm okay, will you?"

"Nope – not gonna lie to her, but I'll tell her that in time, you will be."

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Tony took Bob's advice and thought long and hard about what he really wanted. He came to the conclusion that he wanted Gibbs in his life. He also agreed that they should take things slow so they could get used to the changes in their lives.

So now, two days after Gibbs' visit, Tony was calling Gibbs to ask him out on a date. He had already talked to Corinne, and she and Brian had agreed to go along. Gibbs wouldn't know the things that Tony still needed assistance with and which ones he could handle on his own. Having Corinne along would allow Gibbs to see what needed to be done and would also ease some of Tony's nervousness that always came to the forefront whenever he left his comfort zone. Dialing the familiar number, Tony almost hung up when he heard the customary "Gibbs."

Instead, Tony replied with a soft, "Hey."

Gibbs had answered his phone without looking at the display so he was pleasantly surprised at the sound of Tony's voice. Until he thought that maybe Tony was calling to say that he didn't want to see him again. With just a little trepidation, Gibbs said, "Tony. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I just wanted to. . . I mean, I wondered. . ." Tony sighed. He hadn't been this tongue-tied since he was a teenager. "Um, would you like to go out? To dinner? Maybe tomorrow night, if you don't have a case?"

Silence. Tony was about to hang up when Gibbs answered, "Yeah, I'd like that. Do I need to pick you up?"

"No. I hope it's okay, but I asked Brian and Corinne to come with us. I thought it might be easier on the first date. There are still some things that I need help with, and I figured that Corinne could maybe give you an idea of what those things are."

Gibbs was relieved. He wanted to see Tony but he had no idea what he should or shouldn't do. Having Tony's friends along would make that so much easier. "That's probably a good idea. I don't want to screw things up." _Not again_, he added silently.

"So, we'll pick you up at your house around 7? That sound okay?"

"That sounds great. I'll see you then. And Tony? Thank you for giving me another chance." Before Tony could respond, Gibbs hung up without saying goodbye. Tony grinned. Some things never changed. Now he just had to make it through the next day and a half without a panic attack.

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Gibbs sat at his desk and smiled, shocking the other two members of his team. They hadn't seen a smile like that in, well, never. "Boss, you okay?" McGee asked.

Gibbs looked up, smile still in place. "Yeah, McGee. Never better." And then, just so they wouldn't think he was getting soft, be added, "You got nothing better to do than to worry about my well-being?"

Blushing, McGee quickly got back to work, but throughout the rest of the day, he and Ziva constantly watched Gibbs, bemused by the smile that still hadn't left his face. They didn't know what was going on but anything that made Gibbs happy was okay in their book.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: See profile for full disclaimer. Suffice it to say that (sadly) they ain't mine,

Chapter 13

Gibbs got up on Friday morning with a smile. He hadn't felt this way for a long time. He was looking forward to seeing Tony that night and prayed that a case wouldn't screw up their plans. Throughout the day, he found himself drifting, wavering between anticipation and fear. He knew that Ziva and McGee were watching him but he really didn't care. If things worked out with Tony they would find out soon enough. He was just glad they were between probies (again) – after all, he did have a reputation to maintain.

It was almost five o'clock and Gibbs was just about to tell everyone to go home when Vance called him. Groaning inwardly at the director's request for a meeting, Gibbs told the others to head out. It had been quiet all day – why in the world did Vance wait until the end of the day to call him? He needed to call Tony but decided to wait until he found out what Vance wanted. Maybe it would be quick and he could get home in time.

Gibbs walked into Vance's office without knocking, figuring he was expected so why knock? "So what's so important that you had to call a meeting at 5:00 on Friday?" he asked. "And how long are we gonna be here?"

Vance glared at Gibbs, more out of habit than any real irritation. "I just needed to touch base on a few things. Jackie is meeting me here around seven and since you're usually here until late I figured this would be a good use of the time. What's the matter – got a hot date?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." Smirking at the look of surprise on Vance's face, Gibbs continued. "So we need to get this over with quickly or I need to make a call. My date can meet me here if you really need me. Otherwise, I need to leave soon so I can get home in time."

Vance knew he could probably wait but he didn't really think that Gibbs had a date. "You better make the call. I'll make sure you have enough time to clean up before your 'date' gets here."

Gibbs realized then that Vance didn't believe him. Looking the director in the eye, he took out his phone and called Tony.

Tony had already assigned a ringtone to Gibbs so when the phone rang he knew who was calling. He answered with a heavy heart, figuring that Gibbs had caught a case or he had cold feet. "Hey, Gibbs," he said quietly. "Let me guess: you caught a case and you can't make it tonight."

Gibbs knew that Tony was trying to pretend that everything was fine, but he could hear the underlying tension in the younger man's voice. "Not exactly," answered Gibbs, "but the director decided that since he had to be here until 7:00, then it would be a great time to have a meeting. Can you meet me here instead of the house?"

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Not a problem. Reservations are at Angelo's for 8:00 so it will actually be easier. Meet you in the bullpen?"

"That'll work. I'll tell security you're coming so they won't have to call. See you at seven." And as usual, Gibbs hung up without saying good-bye.

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Tony, Corinne and Brian arrived at the Navy Yard a little before seven. When they stepped off the elevator into the bullpen, Tony was surprised to hear a familiar voice.

"Anthony, what are you doing here?" asked Jackie Vance. "Leon, you remember Anthony don't you?"

"I could ask you the same question," Tony said with a smile. "I'm meeting a friend for dinner."

"Leon is the director of NCIS. I've learned if I want to go out to dinner then I have to give him a time and then meet him here. Otherwise, he'll just stay until midnight and forget to call. Who are you meeting?"

"Gibbs. We were supposed to pick him up at his house but _somebody_ made him work late."

"How do you know Agent Gibbs?" Vance asked. He wasn't sure if Gibbs was just kidding about his 'hot date' or if he had just found out something unexpected about the MCRT leader.

"I used to be his SFA," Tony answered quietly.

Vance was taken aback. "I've heard people talk about Gibbs' former SFA, but I thought his last name was DiNozzo."

"His last name is DiNozzo," said Gibbs, coming in at the end of the conversation. "And he was the best agent I ever worked with, including you, Leon."

Jackie laughed. "So I'm assuming that 'Anthony Knight' is a stage name?"

"Careful – Gibbs has a rule about assuming, but yeah, it's a pseudonym." Realizing that Gibbs didn't have a clue what they were talking about, Tony continued. "I have a band. We call ourselves 'Knightsong' – we met during chemo. Three of us are survivors. Terry, our front man and lead guitar, he was there with his wife. She . . . she didn't make it." Tony stopped for a moment to regain his composure. Cassie had fought so hard but in the end the cancer had won. "We started playing together to kind of escape from all the crap we were dealing with and it turns out that were pretty good. We just finished our first project and we're releasing it on New Year's Eve. All of the profits are going to cancer research in honor of Cassie."

"You guys are more than just 'pretty good,'" Jackie interjected. "You are amazing! There are only a few seats left for the dinner and concert." Taking Leon's hand, Jackie dragged him toward the elevator and said her good-byes. "I'll see you on New Year's Eve!" she called as they left.

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" Gibbs said with a smile.

"It's not that big of a deal," Tony replied shyly. "If you're not busy maybe you can come to the concert. If you want to, I mean. You don't have to. I just thought. . ."

"I'd love to come," Gibbs interrupted. "Now I'm starving – let's go eat."

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Dinner was wonderfully uneventful. Gibbs was afraid that it would be awkward, but everything went smoothly. Corinne showed Gibbs how to help Tony without hovering, allowing Tony to do as much as possible on his own. It had taken awhile, but Tony had finally learned to ask for help if he needed it, so all Gibbs really had to do was be ready to assist. It was Gibbs' arm that Tony took as they entered and left the restaurant, and Gibbs was amazed at how much Tony trusted him.

The only semi-awkward moment came at the end of the evening when they brought Gibbs back to the Navy Yard to pick up his car. Gibbs knew that any other time he would kiss his date goodnight but he didn't know if Tony was expecting it or not. On top of that, Brian and Corinne were in the front seat. As if sensing Gibbs' thoughts, Tony gently placed his hand behind Gibbs' head and pulled him close for a soft kiss. "You're thinking too hard," Tony said softly. "Abby and Jimmy are coming over tomorrow night. You're welcome to come too."

Gibbs smiled. "Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

A/N: See profile for full disclaimer.

Gibbs spent Saturday morning doing mundane things around the house – laundry, bills, cleaning – anything to stay distracted. His date the night before had been almost perfect and he was looking forward to seeing Tony later that night. He wasn't sure if Abby knew that he would be there or not and thought about calling her, even picking up his phone to do so. But she might want them all to ride together and he wanted to leave his options open in case Tony invited him to stay the night.

He wondered what Vance would say to him on Monday morning. The man had looked absolutely stunned when he realized that Gibbs' date was a man! Gibbs wasn't worried – Tony was no longer his subordinate and Vance hadn't been Director when the two men were in a relationship before.

He remembered spending weekends with Tony at the farm before everything had gone to hell in a handbasket. He loved the house, loved waking up with Tony snuggled up behind him. Sighing, he carried the folded towels to the linen closet. Somehow he would make it through the next few hours.

Unknown to Gibbs, Tony was just as restless as he was. The younger man got up at his usual time and ran on the treadmill. After taking his shower and eating breakfast, he went downstairs to the studio hoping to calm his nerves with some music. Instead of the piano, he chose to play the guitar, mindlessly strumming the old Martin D-28 while thinking about the night before.

Being with Gibbs just felt so _right_. Gibbs seemed to know instinctively when to help Tony and when to let him do things on his own. They always had been able to communicate without words and apparently that bond was still there. He trusted Gibbs completely from the minute he took his former boss' arm.

Still, Tony couldn't let go of the nagging fear that Gibbs would get tired of the new Tony. He had been honest with Gibbs before – his rehab was nowhere near complete. He was fine at home but the thought of going anywhere without one of his close friends was terrifying. Megan, his occupational therapist, wanted to take him to the mall after the Christmas craziness was over and leave him on his own. Even though he knew that she would stay close and watch over him, the thought of being there with only his cane to guide him made him physically ill. How long would Gibbs want to stay with someone who was scared to even walk through the mall by himself?

Tony realized that he needed to get far away from that train of thought. Putting aside the guitar, he moved to the piano. He needed to run through the songs that Knightsong would be performing on New Year's Eve. He also needed to finish the arrangement of _Auld Lang Syne_ that the band would be playing at midnight. Hopefully that would keep him occupied until Gibbs and the others joined him for dinner.

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Gibbs arrived at Tony's house at 6:30. He had wavered between coming early or coming late, not wanting to show up at the same time as Abby and the others. He finally decided that early was better, since it would give him a few minutes of alone time with Tony. He got out of the car and met Bob at the kitchen door.

"Come on in, Gibbs," he called. Looking uncomfortable, he continued, "Uh, Mary Pat wants to talk to you for a minute."

Gibbs winced. He might be a big, bad Marine sniper, but truth be told, he was terrified of Mary Pat. She might be appear to be a sweet, five-foot-nothing housewife, but when it came to Tony, she was a mama bear protecting her cub. She had warned Gibbs the first time he came to the farm what she would do if he ever hurt her boy. With a pained sigh, Gibbs said, "Guess it's time to face the firing squad."

Bob laughed. "You have no idea. Just a warning – she's pissed. She's calmed down a little since Tony apparently had a good time last night, but…"

"I get it. And I deserve every bit of it." Straightening his shoulders, Gibbs went inside to face the music.

Mary Pat was chopping vegetables when Gibbs went into the kitchen. The sight of the small woman wielding a knife didn't do anything to calm Gibbs' nerves. He was pretty sure she was imagining that _he_ was on the cutting board instead of the carrot.

"Hello, Mary Pat," he said carefully.

Mary Pat turned, knife in hand. "Don't you 'hello' me, Jethro Gibbs. I warned you. I told you not to hurt my boy, and you did it anyway." Pointing the knife at his chest, she moved toward him, and to Gibbs' chagrin, he found himself backing away until he hit the island in the middle of the kitchen. "If I thought I could get away with it without hurting him more, I'd cut you into little pieces and feed you to the hogs."

Gibbs was speechless. He would have smiled at the mental picture of the petite woman taking him down, but he was afraid that that would send her over the edge and cause her to actually start using the knife on him.

"But he loves you. And _I_ would never do anything to hurt him. Remember this, though, I won't put up with it again. You hurt him again and I'll use this knife on something besides vegetables." She turned back to the cutting board and said sweetly, all signs of the scary serial killer gone, "Coffee's in the pot. Just like you like it. You know where the cups are."

And just like that it was over. Although Gibbs knew that if he ever screwed up again, he would have to leave the country because he had no doubt that Mary Pat meant every word she had said.

"You know, that threat would be a little more effective if we actually had hogs," a voice said.

Gibbs looked up to see Tony standing at the door as Mary Pat replied, "I'd send Bob out to buy some. It would take a while to get the pieces small enough to feed 'em."

Tony laughed. "I wish I could've seen the look on your face, Jethro."

"Mary Pat," Gibbs said, "I screwed up. I hurt Tony and in doing that I hurt you and Bob. I can stand here and say that I'm sorry all day long, but I know that I'm going to have to prove myself. I appreciate the chance to do that."

Mary Pat turned and Gibbs was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "Welcome home, Jethro," she said, wrapping her arms around him in a hug.

Startled, Gibbs said, "You know, that might have been a little more comforting if you weren't still holding the knife."

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

This is a repost of Chapter 15. A couple of reviewers asked if I meant to end the chapter where it did so I went out and looked at what was posted. And no that was _not_ where the chapter was supposed to end. I'm not sure what happened to end of the chapter but it's there now. Hopefully, it will make a little more sense.

A/N: See profile for full disclaimer.

Gibbs thought Tony would want to go down to his studio so he was surprised when the younger man took his hand and said, "Let's go outside."

Gibbs noticed that Tony walked confidently out the back door and toward the barn. Walking up to the fence, he held out his hand and one of the horses, a chestnut mare, walked over. "This is Maggie," Tony said. "She's the first horse that I rode after I lost my sight. I've been riding since I was a kid – English saddle, not Western – but when I got on her back I was terrified. For the first time ever, I was afraid of falling. But Maggie is amazing. It's like she was extra careful when I rode, like she knew." He rubbed the horse's neck, laughing as she nudged his hand, looking for a treat. Tony reached in his pocket and pulled out a carrot. "I'm comfortable riding the other horses now, but Maggie's still my favorite. I love to ride but thought I'd never get to do it again. Maggie gave that back to me."

Gibbs knew that Tony was trying to make a point but he wasn't sure where he was going. He remained silent but slid his arm around Tony's shoulder in encouragement."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are still a lot of things that I'm afraid of, things that I'm not sure I can do. And I know that there may be some things that I _can't_ do. But I also know that I'm ready to try – as long as…" Tony stopped, unable to continue.

"As long as what, Tony?" Gibbs asked gently.

"As long as you're here with me," Tony whispered.

"I'll be here as long as you want me." Gibbs took Tony into his arms and gently kissed him. And the delighted squeal he heard from the driveway let him know that Abby had arrived.

"I knew it!" Abby shouted with delight.

"Sorry, Jethro," Tony said with a grin. "I guess we're outed now for sure." Anything else he was going to say was smothered in an Abby hug. "Hey, Abs. Uh, surprise?"

Abby laughed. "Not really a surprise. I kind of suspected based on something Jimmy said when we were on the way over here the other night. I'm so happy for you!" She turned and grabbed Gibbs, pulling him into the hug. "For both of you!"

Kissing Abby on the head, Gibbs disentangled himself from her arms. "I remembered," he said simply. "And I have a lot a making up to do."

"No, Jethro," Tony said sternly. "We've already had this discussion. New life, new start."

"New start," Gibbs echoed and took Tony into his arms for a gentle kiss. The tender moment was interrupted by Abby's "Awwwww!" and Jimmy's call of "Hey! Not in front of the kids!" Laughing, they all went inside to see what Mary Pat had prepared for dinner.

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Dinner was fun and relaxed. Tony was always more comfortable eating at home because Mary Pat was careful to put everything in the same place every time. Knowing that they were having guests, she made sure that the meal was something that Tony could manage easily, making him even more confident. Even Jethro relaxed after the first few minutes, remembering that this was Tony's family, and despite how badly Gibbs had screwed up in the past, they were welcoming him back in.

After dinner they all ended up in the music room again. Gibbs realized that it was Tony's safe place, the place where he could relax and be himself. When Tony sat down at the piano and began to play Christmas carols, everyone joined in, including (to Tony and Abby's delight) Gibbs. They sang and talked until almost midnight when Mary Pat said that she was turning in. She headed upstairs followed by her husband. Tony had invited Abby and Jimmy to stay but they declined since Abby had promised the nuns that she would be at Mass on Sunday morning. After they said they're goodbyes, Jethro joined Tony on the piano bench. "I should be leaving," he said quietly.

Head bowed, Tony replied just as quietly, "Stay." He reached out for Jethro's hand and repeated, "Stay. Please."

Gibbs took Tony's hand and brought it to his lips. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"No, not really. I'm scared of so many things, that you'll decide that it's too hard to be with me now that I'm blind. And I don't think I could survive losing you again."

"I know I don't deserve it, but I'm asking you, no I'm begging you – I'm not leaving you. Now that I've found you again, I'm never letting you go. And if I have to spend the rest of my life proving it to you then that's what I'll do."

Tony took a deep breath and smiled. "Let's go upstairs."

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Gibbs woke up in a way that was familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. In the past, Tony had always snuggled in behind him with an arm thrown around Gibbs' waist. Instead, Tony was laying with his head on Gibbs' chest, holding on like he was afraid Gibbs was going to run away. Swallowing away the lump that was suddenly in his throat, Gibbs realized that the last person to sleep like that with him was Shannon. His other wives had tried, but he pushed them away, had even pushed Tony away before. But now – now it felt so right. His arms tightened around Tony and he smiled as the younger man snuggled in closer. Still smiling, Gibbs drifted back to sleep.

About an hour later, Tony awakened to the delightful feeling of being wrapped in someone's arms, _Gibbs'_ arms. He could have stayed that way forever; however, nature was calling rather urgently since he had slept much later than he usually did. He started to untangle himself from Gibbs' arms only to have them tighten. "Hey, Jethro," he said, "you're gonna have to let me go. I gotta go pee."

Reluctantly, Gibbs let go and Tony climbed out of the bed, heading quickly to the bathroom. As soon as he came out, Gibbs went to take care of his own needs. When he returned, Tony was sitting on the bed nervously fingering the blanket. Gibbs remembered how Tony would always fidget whenever he was unsure so Gibbs decided to make sure that Tony knew just how he felt. He knelt on the floor by the bed, grimacing as his knee popped loudly, and took Tony's hands in his. "Hey," he said. "Listen to me. Last night was the first time in a long time that I slept all night long. And you wanna know why? It was because I was happy, because I finally felt complete, because you make me complete."

"But Jethro," Tony began, only to be interrupted.

"I said listen. You know I'm not the best with words, but I'm trying here, so hear me out. You're not the only one that's scared. I'm afraid that I'm gonna screw up and lose you for good. Last night you said that you didn't think you could survive losing me. Well, that's not gonna happen because I know that I won't survive without you. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but we'll get through it together. I love you, Tony."

Tony sat on the bed not realizing that he was crying until he felt a calloused hand wipe away the tears. "I love you, too," he whispered, then slid to his knees next to Gibbs and allowed himself to be embraced.

They would have stayed there all morning, but frankly neither man's knees were up to kneeling on a hardwood floor for any significant amount of time. They stood and embraced again, not wanting to lose contact. "I'm going to shower," Tony finally said. "Otherwise, Mary Pat is going to come up here and drag us down to breakfast. What time is it anyway?"

"It's almost 9:00," Gibbs answered. "You go ahead and shower and I'm gonna go down and get my go bag. And a cup of coffee – it's three hours past my usual caffeine refill time."

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Gibbs ended up staying all day. He and Tony took a long walk around the farm. At Gibbs' urging Tony told him about his cancer treatment and his ongoing rehab. Tony was honest with Gibbs – he told them how angry he had been at his NCIS 'family' and how he had felt that they had let him down. He shared how his counselor had helped him work through his anger and made him realize that he had to take some of the responsibility on himself. Gibbs tried to disagree, but Tony explained that his sometimes juvenile behavior hadn't helped when it came time for him to lead the team. Tim and Ziva wouldn't take him seriously, and when Gibbs returned, they continued with the disrespect. Had Tony called them out on their behavior early on, things may not have gotten so out of hand. But by allowing them and Gibbs to continue the attitudes, Tony was silently agreeing with them. By the time his cancer was diagnosed, Tony's self-esteem was so low that he had actually prayed that the cancer would kill him. He had even considered suicide during the chemotherapy. The side-effects coupled with the blindness was almost more than he could stand. It was only through the support of Mary Pat and Bob, Brian and Corinne, and Jimmy and Ducky that he made it through.

Gibbs was horrified when he realized just how close he had come to losing Tony forever. He stopped and grabbed Tony in a tight embrace, whispering over and over that he was sorry, so sorry. Tony was stunned – Gibbs _never_ said he was sorry. As if reading his mind, Gibbs said, "I've decided that that's a stupid rule, at least when it comes to us. When I screw up, I'll say it. I won't like it, but I'll say it." Laughing, the two men headed back to the house.

The rest of the day went by way too fast. Gibbs reluctantly left at around 10:30 since he had to be at work in the morning. He hoped that they wouldn't get any difficult cases since he planned to come back to Tony's on Christmas Eve and stay all the way through the weekend. His team had worked through Christmas the past two years and Vance had already given them the long weekend off. For the first time in a long time, Gibbs was actually looking forward to Christmas. He wondered if Abby would go shopping with him on Monday night – he had one more gift to buy and he knew just what he wanted.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

A/N: See profile for full disclaimer. Also, I reposted Chapter 15 because the end of it was somehow deleted. So if you didn't read the repost, you might want to go back now and at least read the end of it.

On Monday morning Tony got up at his usual 6:00 and got ready for his morning run with Brian. He had planned to work in the studio today and finalize the arrangements for the New Year's Eve concert since the rest of the band was coming over on Tuesday to rehearse. He was going to have to change plans though – he needed to go shopping. He had worked with Mary Pat and Corinne to get gifts for everyone but that was before he has decided to try to repair his relationship with his NCIS family – and yes they were starting to feel like family again. He needed to get gifts for Tim, Ziva and Abby and he pretty much knew what he wanted to get for them. The big question was what was he going to get for Jethro?

Unbeknownst to Tony, Gibbs was having similar thoughts, although he knew exactly what he was going to get for Tony. He just wasn't sure if he could find it. He wasn't even sure if it could be ordered online and if it was, could he get it by Christmas Eve? He was sure that Abby would know. He would ask when he took her morning Caff-Pow down to her lab.

Abby was more than willing to help Gibbs with the gift. She thought it was an awesome idea and assured him that Tony would love it. Searching online, she found a store that carried similar items but nothing exactly what Gibbs was looking for. "Let me make some calls," Abby told him. "You get to work and I'll let you know when I find something out."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Don't _you_ have work to do?" he asked.

"Not really. I'm running some tests for Franklin's team but I'm caught up until they finish. Now, go. I need to call some people."

Laughing, Gibbs left as ordered.

Tony, however, was struggling. He and Corinne had headed for a local artisan's mall after breakfast and had quickly found the gifts for Abby, Tim and Ziva. He still didn't know what to get for Gibbs. He was frustrated – it wasn't like he could go into the shops and look around. He had to rely on Corinne to do that and make suggestions. Likewise, he couldn't go and search the web for ideas. He was just about to give up when he heard Corinne gasp. "What is it?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," she answered. "I think I may have found something." She described the item to Tony and he immediately wanted to 'see' it. The shopkeeper placed it in Tony's hand and as Tony ran his sensitive fingers over the surface, he smiled. It was perfect

In the meantime, Abby had managed to find exactly what Gibbs was looking for. A friend of a friend of a friend put her in touch with someone who might have what she wanted. When she contacted the man, he sent her pictures of several items. She showed the pictures to Gibbs, waiting to see if he picked the same one that she did, laughing when he did. Gibbs kissed Abby's cheek and handed her his credit card, trusting her to make all of the arrangements to get the gift to him by Wednesday afternoon.

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The week was quiet for the MCRT which was both a blessing and a curse. No new cases meant the team would get their long holiday weekend but it also meant days filled with paperwork and cold cases. When his package arrived on Wednesday morning, Tim and Ziva looked at it curiously but neither dared to ask. Grinning, Gibbs carried it down to Abby's lab to see if the pictures did it justice.

Jimmy was in the lab with Abby when Gibbs walked in. Both men winced at Abby's squeal when she saw the package Gibbs was carrying. "Let me see! Let me see!" she yelled.

"Give me time, Abs," Gibbs laughed. "I haven't opened it yet."

"I can leave if you want," Jimmy offered, not really wanting to go, but not wanting to intrude either.

"No, stay," ordered Gibbs. "You can give me your opinion. Let me know if you think Tony will like it."

When the package was opened, Gibbs and Abby were thrilled. Jimmy's breath caught in his throat. It was absolutely perfect. "He's going to love it, Gibbs," he said softly. "You're definitely making a statement."

"Are you sure?" an uncharacteristically uncertain Gibbs asked.

"I'm with Jimmy," Abby replied. "Tony's gonna love it!"

Gibbs went back to the bullpen, package in hand. He grinned as he realized that Tim and Ziva were both dying to know what it was but neither wanted to be the one to ask. He debated whether or not to show them and tell them who it was for but he decided against it. He wanted Tony to have some input as to whether or not the others knew. He would probably have to tell them soon, though. He wasn't sure how much longer Abby would be able to keep quiet.

He remembered now that Tony had wanted to tell their friends from the beginning. Gibbs was the one who wanted to keep it quiet. Of course, Jenny Shepard had been Director then and with the history between her and Gibbs it was probably best. Still, they could have told the rest of the team. Locking the package in his desk, he stood up and said, "Going for coffee." Then he totally stunned the others by adding, "You guys want anything? I'm buying."

Both junior agents looked up in shock. Gibbs buying? "Well? I don't have all day." Tim and Ziva told Gibbs what they wanted and then stared in open-mouthed wonder as Gibbs got in the elevator.

"What just happened?" Tim asked.

"I am not sure," answered Ziva, "but I think it may have something to do with the package he received. I could pick the lock and . . ."

"No! Not just no, but hell no! You are _not_ going to break into Gibbs' desk. If he wants us to know, he'll tell us. Now, let's get back to work. I want to finish up and get started on my long weekend."

As soon as Gibbs got outside, he pulled out his phone and called Tony, smiling when the younger man answered, "Hey, Jethro. What's up?"

"I wanted to ask you something," Gibbs replied.

"Something that couldn't wait until you get here tonight? You _are_ still going to be here tonight, right?"

Gibbs could hear the uncertainty in Tony's voice. "I'll be there. I'm leaving straight from work – got my bag in the car already. I was wondering how you would feel about me telling Tim and Ziva about us."

Tony's silence worried Gibbs. "Only if you want to," he continued, afraid that he may be pushing Tony too hard, too soon.

"It's not that I don't want to, Jethro. It's just, well, you never wanted anyone to know before. I used to think that maybe you were ashamed of me, of us." Tony's voice was so quiet, so sad. It almost broke Gibbs' heart.

"I never meant to hurt you. I was afraid that if the wrong people found out that they would separate us. I couldn't lose you. And then I threw you away."

"Stop it! It wasn't like you did it on purpose! I know how much you love Shannon and Kelly and I'm so thankful that you made room for me in your heart, too. It's the past, Jethro. It's time to move forward, so yeah, if you want to tell Tim and Ziva, go ahead. They'll be here Saturday night so if you don't tell them now, it's going to be pretty obvious then."

"Okay, I'll let them know when I get back from my coffee run. I think I freaked them out – I told them I was buying."

Tony laughed. "So let me know how it goes when you tell them. What brought this one anyway?"

"I'll explain later. I better get back. Hey, I love you. See you tonight."

"Love you, too. Bye."

When Gibbs got back to the Navy Yard, he gave McGee his latte and Ziva her tea. Placing his own coffee on his desk, he unlocked the desk drawer and pulled out the package. "Go ahead and ask," he said. "You know you want to."

Tim and Ziva looked at each other. Shrugging, Tim gave in to the temptation. "Ok, what is it?"

Gibbs looked smug. "It's a gift."

"Who is it from?" Ziva questioned, knowing that Gibbs wasn't going to make it easy.

"Not _from_ anyone. I bought it. Well, Abby actually ordered it for me, but it's from me, not to me. Want to see it?"

Both of the agents immediately went over to Gibbs' desk. He took the item out of the box and showed them. "Gibbs," breathed Ziva. "it is amazing. But this is definitely not a gift for a lady friend."

Tim looked at it and agreed, "But it is something you would give to someone who is more than just a friend. So, who's it for."

Gibbs paused, looking them both in the eye before saying, "Tony."

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

A/N: See profile for full disclaimer. They still aren't mine. Crap.

Gibbs waited for the fallout and was surprised when Ziva simply asked, "How long?"

"About the same time that you started with the team, right after we lost Kate. He was living with me for the most part, only kept his apartment to keep up appearances. He wanted to tell you guys from the get-go. But with Jenny in the director's chair, I couldn't take the chance. Then I forgot him, forgot everything about us in that damned explosion. He's giving me another chance, though, and I'm not about to screw it up."

Tim thought back to Gibbs' Mexican 'vacation' and realized just how badly they had treated Tony, even Abby. And the man had taken everything they threw at him even though he must have been devastated at losing Gibbs. Ziva must have been having similar thoughts, saying, "We were not very nice to him while you were in Mexico. We did our jobs, but we did not support him the way we should have. We all missed you, Gibbs. And we took it out on him, not realizing that he missed you most of all."

"So you're okay with this, with me and Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"I'm kind of surprised," Tim answered honestly. "I mean, I never would have suspected that either one of you was into guys. Especially when Tony was always accusing _me_ of being gay! I'm assuming Abby knows?"

"Yeah, and Duck and Palmer have known for a while. I'm not gonna hide this."

"What about Vance?"

"Doesn't really matter. Tony doesn't work for me anymore, and who I date is really none of his business. He already knows though. He kept me late here on Friday and almost made me late for my date with DiNozzo. Turns out that Vance and his wife know Tony through some cancer benefit concert that Tony and his band are playing at on New Year's Eve."

"Wait!" McGee exclaimed. "Are you talking about the Knightsong concert? Are you telling me that _Tony_ is Anthony Knight?"

"Yeah, I think so. You've heard of 'em?"

"Uh, yeah. They're really popular on iTunes but this is the first concert they've done. I guess I know why now. So, I guess you're spending Christmas with Tony?"

"Yep, in fact, I'm leaving right now. Pack it up and let's get out of here. I'll see you guys on Saturday."

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Before Gibbs got to his car he got a call from Abby to come to the lab before he left. He walked in, saying, "Make it quick, Abs. I want to get on the road before the traffic gets too bad."

"Might as well give up on that, Gibbs. It's Christmas Eve. Traffic is gonna suck no matter what time you leave."

"Still want to get on the road. So what is so important that I had to come down here?"

She held out her hand. "Give me Tony's gift. I'll wrap it for you. And no, you are _not_ going to give it to him in the shipping box."

Gibbs handed it over. He hadn't even thought about wrapping it. He always had the stores wrap the gifts he bought for Abby and Ducky, and he didn't give gifts to anyone else. When she finished, he was pleased to see that she had wrapped it in blue and silver paper with a blue bow. "Thanks, Abs," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "I'll see you on Saturday."

Finally getting on the road, Gibbs saw that Abby was right about the traffic. He sighed and pulled out into the mess, knowing that the usual 45 minute drive was going to take at least twice that long. Two hours later he was pulling into the driveway. He grabbed his bag from the back seat and went inside. As he walked into the kitchen, he realized that for the first time in a long, long time he felt like he was home.

Tony was sitting at the table using a cookie cutter to cut out Christmas tree shaped cookies. "Hey, Jethro, come help!" he called out. "For some strange reason, Mary Pat won't let me decorate the cookies. But, hey, as long as I get to eat them, who cares?"

Laughing, Gibbs said, "Let me take my bag upstairs and I'll be right back." He stopped by to give Tony a kiss then quickly put his things in the bedroom. He came back downstairs and they spent the evening making, decorating and eating cookies after a delicious dinner of homemade vegetable soup and corn muffins. Mary Pat shooed them out of the kitchen eventually so she could do her prep work for Christmas dinner. It would be a small group on Christmas day, just Mary Pat, Bob, Tony and Jethro. Brian and Corinne were visiting their parents but would be there, along with Tony's NCIS family and the rest of Knightsong, on Saturday.

Tony and Gibbs went to bed around midnight, Gibbs laughing when Tony said they had to get to sleep so Santa would come. The previous weekend, they had only slept together, going no further than kissing and cuddling. But tonight, Tony wanted more. "Make love to me, Jethro. Please." He wished that he could see his lover's face, gaze into his eyes. "I need you."

Gibbs needed Tony just as much, if not more. He undressed Tony and allowed Tony to do the same to him. Then they lay together, Tony's hands moving, caressing, and touching every inch of Gibbs' body. And later, as Tony lay wrapped in Gibbs' arms, he whispered, "Merry Christmas, Tony. I love you."

Christmas morning dawned bright and clear. Tony smiled as he woke up wrapped in Gibbs' arms yet again. He had missed waking up this way for so long. "It's about time you woke up," Gibbs said softly. "Thought you were gonna sleep through Christmas."

"What time is it?" Tony asked, yawning and snuggling closer to Jethro.

"Almost 8:00. I've never known you to sleep past 6:00 on Christmas day."

"Don't have to get up. I already have everything I want for Christmas right here."

Jethro grinned. "Me too. But I smell coffee. Let's go shower and I'll wash your hair."

The two men got up and showered and Tony was so glad that he'd gone with the tankless water heater. Otherwise, Mary Pat would have yelled at them for using all of the hot water. Once dressed, they headed downstairs for breakfast. "Coffee's in the pot; biscuits, gravy and bacon are on the counter; eggs will be ready in a minute," Mary Pat said as they walked in the kitchen. "Eat and get out of my way."

Accepting that Mary Pat was in charge, they did as they were told. After breakfast Tony asked, "You wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure," Gibbs answered, thinking about the perfect place on the trail to give Tony his gift. There was a small clearing at the turnaround point where a fallen tree made a natural bench.

"I'm gonna go grab another sweater. Can you get my coat?" Tony went upstairs to get the mentioned sweater but also to get Jethro's gift. He, like Gibbs, thought the clearing would be the ideal place to give the present to his lover. He chose a hoodie and slipped the wrapped box into the front pocket before joining Gibbs downstairs, snorting as Gibbs helped into his coat. "I'm not a girl, you know."

"I'm well aware of that," Gibbs remarked dryly, "and you have no idea how happy that makes me."

Laughing, the two men walked hand in hand along the trail, eventually coming to the clearing. Tony was about to suggest that they sit down for a minute when Gibbs led him to the fallen tree. "I have something for you," Gibbs said just as Tony said, "I've got a Christmas gift for you."

Laughing, Gibbs said, "You first."

"First, I want you to know that you are hard as hell to buy for especially when it's kinda hard to shop when you can't see anything. Corinne actually found it but I thought it was perfect. I hope you like it, I mean, it's just that. . ." Gibbs stopped him with a kiss.

"It doesn't matter what it is, Tony. I'll love it just because it's from you. And just so you know, you're not that easy to buy for either. If it wasn't for Abby, you probably would have ended up with underwear."

"As you well know, I don't wear underwear. But enough of that. Open it."

Tony waited nervously as Gibbs unwrapped the box, carefully tucking the wrapping paper and bow into his pocket. He opened the long, slim box and his breath caught in his throat. It was a bracelet, similar to an ID bracelet but instead of his name it was engraved with the single word _FOREVER_. Underneath the engraving was the same word in braille. It was exquisite and the perfect gift for Gibbs.

Gibbs was silent for so long, that Tony was afraid that he'd misjudged. Before he could say anything, though, Gibbs kissed him. "Open this," he said, thrusting the wrapped package into Tony's hands.

"Let me guess, you were just going to give it to me _in_ a bag but Abby wrapped it."

"Just open it!" Tony laughed and did as he was told. He unwrapped the small box and carefully opened the lid. Reaching down, he felt a ring – a ring! – and as his questing fingers moved across the surface he laughed. "Apparently we were on the same wavelength." For on the outside of the ring was the same word, _FOREVER_, in braille.

"It has 'forever' engraved on the inside," Gibbs said softly. "That's what I want with you, Tony. Forever. And I guess you want the same thing?"

"Forever," Tony whispered as Gibbs slipped the ring on his finger followed with another kiss. "Mmm, best Christmas ever!"

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

A/N: I did not get Gibbs or Tony for Christmas, even though I asked Santa very, very nicely. Guess I was too naughty! So, needless to say, I still don't own them. See profile for full disclaimer.

The rest of the week passed by quickly as plans for Saturday's party were finalized. After talking with Mary Pat, Tony had agreed that it would make more sense to have a buffet rather than a sit down dinner. It would allow people to mingle and make it easier for Tony's two 'families' to get to know each other. The guest list included, of course, Mary Pat and Bob, Brian and Corinne, and the members of the band and their significant others from family one and Tim, Ziva, Abby, Jimmy and Ducky from the NCIS family. Tony had also invited Jackie and Leon Vance and their children when talking to Jackie about the New Year's Eve concert. He wasn't sure which 'family' they belonged to since they were technically part of both.

The band members came over early so they could get in another practice session. Tony introduced Gibbs to Terry Forbes, lead guitar; Mike Davies, bass; and T.R. Brewster, drums. At first the band members were a little stand-offish – they knew Tony and Gibbs' history, but when Tony showed them the ring (and Gibbs' bracelet) they eased up a little. While the band was in the studio, Gibbs excused himself and went out to the barn to help Bob with the horses. "You don't have to do this," Bob said, "but I won't turn down the help. You'll probably need a shower afterwards, though. Don't think Tony wants you smelling like a horse tonight."

"I don't mind helping out," Gibbs said, laughing. "I used to have horses when I was a kid. Always enjoyed working with them. Besides, I know Tony needs to focus on the music right now. He's really good, isn't he?"

"One of the best I've ever heard. Of course, I'm a little prejudiced."

"Me too. I'm looking forward to the concert on New Year's Eve. I'm proud of how far he's come. I just hate that I wasn't here for him when he was going through the treatments."

"Hey, let it go, Gibbs. You're here now, where you belong. He's never been happier." Bob hesitated for a minute. "But you need to be prepared. After the first of the year the doctors are going to start adjusting some of his meds. Until they get it right, he could have seizures, and they can be really bad."

"I'm here for the duration, Bob. For the good and the bad. I'm not leaving him again." The two men continued working in companionable silence, both of them having used up their quota of words for the month.

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By 7:00 everyone had arrived. Tony had finally gotten Mary Pat to agree to let everyone bring a side dish or dessert to the party. He wanted her to enjoy herself, not spend the whole day cooking (even though she still cooked a turkey, a ham, two pies and potato salad.) There was more than enough food and both 'families' seemed to be getting along fine. Tony told his NCIS family to bring dates if they wanted to and all except Abby had done so, even Ducky! Abby, in fact, was talking to Terry, who still wasn't quite ready to start any kind of relationship so soon after losing his wife. He had been sitting quietly on the sofa, not really in the holiday spirit. Jimmy had explained the situation to Abby who proceeded to engage Terry in a discussion of their tattoos.

Gibbs fixed Tony a plate from the buffet, grinning at the chorus of 'awwws' that resulted, and raising a middle finger to the group at large. That led to a round of laughter when Mary Pat smacked the back of his head for the rude gesture. When Gibbs explained what had happened, Tony laughed, "Oh, man! I wish I could have seen that! Finally payback for all of those headslaps you gave me."

"Shut up," Gibbs said, "or I won't give you any food."

"You better be good! I'll sic Mary Pat on you again."

Gibbs just laughed and told Tony what was on his plate and where. While everyone else was sitting on one of the sofas or chairs, Gibbs and Tony went into the kitchen to eat. It was easier for Tony and there was less of an audience. It also gave them the opportunity to be semi-alone for a few minutes, even though people were still in and out.

After everyone finished eating and helping with clean-up, they all ended up down in the studio. At some point in time, almost everyone either played or sang, even Gibbs and Vance (to the surprise and delight of Tony and the NCIS team.) The Vance family left first, as the children were getting sleepy and most of the others followed suit. Abby, Jimmy and Ducky (and Gibbs, of course) were staying the night. After saying their goodnights, all retired to the bedrooms. And as they settled in to sleep, both men too tired to do anything else, Tony whispered, "Thank you. For everything, I mean. For being here, with me, even though I'm blind. For supporting me. For loving me. Especially for loving me. I love you Leroy Jethro Gibbs." And Gibbs responded by simply holding him close. "Love you too, Tony. Love you too."

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Gibbs' phone rang at 3:00 Sunday morning. It was McGee saying they had a case. Gibbs grumbled that they were supposed to be off until Monday but McGee explained that the on-call team had another case. And even if the on-call team had been available, SecNav wanted the DC MCRT because the victim was the daughter of a Marine Colonel. Sighing, Gibbs told McGee to get Ziva and head to the scene. He would meet them there since it would be quicker than going to the office first. He rolled over and gave Tony a kiss. "Duty calls. Got a case. I'll call you when I can."

"It's okay, Jethro. You know I understand. Just be careful, ok?"

"I will. Love you. Go back to sleep."

"Love you, too."

Tony stayed in bed for a little while but sleep evaded him. He went down to the studio and lost himself in the music until Mary Pat showed up after church to fix him some lunch. "What are you doing down here and where's Gibbs?" she asked.

"He got called in for a case around 3:00 and I couldn't go back to sleep. I'm probably gonna crash after lunch, though."

"Well, come on up. Lunch is ready and then you can nap."

Tony waited anxiously for a call all day Sunday. He thought about calling Gibbs on several occasions but knew that he shouldn't interrupt in the middle of a case, especially one involving a missing child. Unfortunately, he stressed himself out so much that he ended up with a migraine. He didn't want to take his meds, insisting that he'd be okay with ibuprofen, but Mary Pat overruled him. He agreed to take the injection only after Mary Pat promised to stay at the house to answer the phone in case Gibbs called.

Tony was groggy and irritable on Monday morning. The migraine medication took the pain away but he always had difficulty waking up afterward. He felt better after his shower and made his way down to breakfast wondering why Brian wasn't there for their morning run. "I called Brian last night and told him not to come this morning," Mary Pat said. "I knew you wouldn't feel up to it today."

"How did you know what I was thinking?" Tony asked. "Never mind. I don't want to know. I guess Jethro didn't call?"

"No, sweetie, but I'm sure he's fine. You did say they were looking for a missing girl. I'm sure that he's focusing all of his time and energy on finding her."

"Yeah, I know. But I'm worried. Something feels off, y'know?"

"Well, I'm sure he'll call as soon as he can. Now, you need to eat. I've got some toast and eggs ready."

Tony sighed. Mary Pat's answer to everything was food. He knew she would just keep after him if he didn't eat, so he began to nibble at the toast even though he really had no appetite. He had just about decided that he was going to at least text McGee, when the house phone rang. He didn't pay too much attention to the call until he heard Mary Pat say, "He's right here. Hang on." Then she put the phone in his hand.

"Hello?"

"_Tony, it's Tim. First off – he's okay. It's just a graze so don't panic."_

"Wait! What? He got shot?" How the hell could he not panic?

"_Listen to me Tony! I said he's okay. We found the girl and the kidnapper shot at us. Gibbs took a graze across his bicep. It's no worse than that time you cut your arm on the crate in the shipping container."_

"That 'cut' was a gunshot wound that took 21 stitches to close, Probie! Where is he? I'll get Bob or Corinne or somebody to bring me to the hospital."

"_Hold on! By the time you get here, he'll be home. We're at the ER and they're almost finished then Ducky's gonna take him to his place."_

"Fine. Then I'll get somebody to bring me to his house."

Tim didn't respond right away then Tony heard Gibbs. _"I'm fine, Tony. Don't even need a sling. Of course, I'm gonna be on medical leave for at least a week."_

Tony almost sobbed in relief. "I was scared to death when I heard Tim. You didn't call and I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what and . . ."

"_Calm down, Tony. You'll give yourself a migraine. You've gotta settle down. I. Am. Fine. As soon as I finish my report, I'll get somebody to drive me down. Hey, look at it this way, now I definitely won't be working on New Year's Eve and I'll get to go to that concert thing with you."_

"Don't ever scare me like that again, Jethro. I've got you back now and I don't think I could survive losing you again."

"_Listen, why don't you go play your piano or something. I'll be there soon. After I kill McGee for scaring the crap out of you. Just relax – I'll see you later. Love you."_

"I love you too," Tony said but realized that Gibbs had already ended the call. He asked Mary Pat if Tim had told her what had happened.

"He did," she answered. "And he told me that Jethro wasn't badly injured. So _you_ need to settle down. If I know that man of yours he'll be here in time for lunch. Now, you go lay down and I'll wake you when he gets here."

Tony did as Mary Pat said (because, really there was no point in arguing with her). He decided to lay on the couch in the studio and listen to a little music. He didn't think he would be able to go to sleep but a couple of hours later he was awakened by a calloused hand cupping his cheek. Sitting up, he carefully wrapped Jethro in a hug, not wanting to hurt the injured arm. "You've got to be more careful, Jethro," he said softly. "I'm not there to watch your six anymore. Is the girl okay."

"She's fine. And I'm fine, Tony. I promised you forever and I'm not gonna break my promise." After kissing Tony gently, he said, "Now, what are we going to do for a whole week?"

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

A/N: See profile for full disclaimer. I've really struggled with this chapter. I'm still not happy with it but if I don't post it I'll just rewrite it for another two weeks. I promise I won't take as long for the next chapter.

Though Tony was upset that Gibbs had been injured, he was thrilled to have the man all to himself for a full week. Unfortunately, Tony was the one who was busy for the first two days, preparing for the New Year's Eve concert. The band came over on Tuesday for a final rehearsal and Tony made Gibbs go hang out with Bob and Mary Pat. When the band members left, Gibbs found Tony still in the studio, playing scales on the piano. Sitting down beside Tony on the piano bench, Gibbs asked, "What's wrong, Tony?"

"I don't know if I can do this," Tony answered quietly. "I mean, it's one thing to play in front of friends and family, but Jackie Vance called today and said that it was sold out. They sold five hundred tickets, Jethro. I know that's nothing compared to most concerts, but I've never played in front of that many people. Plus, somebody is going to have to lead me to the piano. It's too much."

"Hey, calm down. You'll be fine. Terry will have the crowd eating out of his hand. You just have to sit at the piano and play. And if you want, I'll lead you on stage."

"Will you . . . will you stay on stage with me? We can put a chair up there, to the side of the piano. You won't be in the spotlight or anything but I think I might not panic so much if . . ."

"Whatever you want, Tony. Now come on. It's late and you've got a busy day tomorrow. And if you play your cards right, you can have a busy night tonight."

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Tony and Jethro left for DC a little after lunch on Wednesday. Tony wanted to go to Gibbs' house. "I haven't been there in forever, Jethro. I always felt safe there, at home."

Willing to do anything to keep Tony from stressing out over the concert, Jethro agreed and the two of them went to the house. When Tony entered, he walked slowly through the house, trailing his fingers over the walls, the furniture, the banister – everything. "I really miss this place, Jethro. I loved it when you would watch movies with me, even though I knew you'd rather have been in the basement. And I loved sitting on the stairs watching you work on the boat. And now, even though I'm here, I can't do either of those things."

"C'mere, Tony." Gibbs took his hand and led him to the couch. Then, to Tony's surprise, Gibbs turned on the TV that Tony had left behind and tuned it to one of the music channels, one that played classic rock. "Maybe you can't watch TV, but we can still sit here and listen to the music." Gibbs settled back on the couch and pulled Tony over until they were both stretched out, limbs tangled so they would both fit.

With his head on Gibbs' chest, Tony said softly, "For a long time I was really angry about everything I've lost. To be honest, I'm still angry. I lost my sight, my job, my independence. My whole life changed almost overnight. But what hurt the most was losing you. Even when I started my therapy, learning how to use the cane, read braille, everything really, I still longed for you, ached for you. And now we're here. I'm just so afraid that the rug's gonna be pulled out from under me again."

"Listen, I told you that I'm here to stay. But I know that actions speak louder than words, and my previous actions – well, I know I have a lot to make up for. I'm proud of you, for how far you've come. I just wish I'd been there to help you through."

"You're here now. That's all that matters." Settling in closer to Gibbs, Tony yawned. "I didn't sleep that well last night."

"I know. Why don't you try to take a nap? I'll wake you in plenty of time to get ready for tonight."

Closing his eyes, Tony decided that a nap would be a really good idea, and a few minutes later he had drifted off to sleep. Gibbs tightened his arms around his sleeping lover and vowed silently that he would never, ever let him down again.

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Two hours later, Gibbs shook Tony awake and they decided to take a 'quick' shower. After emptying the water heater of hot water, they dressed and headed for the concert venue. Gibbs noticed that once Tony got on the stage and did the sound check, his nervousness disappeared. Gibbs stood in the background, amazed as always at Tony's talent. Tony had shared with Gibbs how he had been a prodigy, and how his mother had encouraged him to play. After she died, however, Tony's father had refused to let his son play anymore, saying that only 'sissy boys' played the piano. DiNozzo senior had even sold the piano after catching Tony playing when he believed his father to be out of town. Of course, breaking Tony's arm guaranteed that the boy wouldn't be playing the piano anytime soon. When Tony had told Gibbs that he was thankful that his father hadn't broken his fingers (only because it was easier to blame a broken arm on an accidental fall), Gibbs vowed silently that if he ever ran into DiNozzo senior, he would make sure that the bastard would suffer an accident of his own.

The band went backstage to finalize the order of the playlist. The first run of CDs had arrived the day before, and Mike's wife and T.R.'s boyfriend were setting up the product table in the lobby. The band's agent had argued against them giving all of the proceeds from the night's CD sales to cancer research, so they fired him – none of them were in it for the money. It was really just another form of therapy. They just hoped they would sell enough CDs to make a difference.

The time for the concert to begin arrived and Tony wasn't sure he could go through with it. Then Jackie Vance was introducing them and Jethro was taking his hand, leading him onto the stage. As he took his seat on the piano bench, Jethro leaned over, and kissed him, saying, "I'm right here. Now show 'em what you got."

Once he started playing, Tony got lost in the music, barely noticing the applause. Terry was a born front man and the audience loved him. When he explained how the group had met and how his precious Cassie had lost her battle with cancer, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. "I want you to do something for me," Terry said. "If you or someone you love has had cancer, I want you to stand up." About three-quarters of the room stood. "Now look around. That's why events like this are so important, so there will be many more survivors and no more loved ones left behind. So thank you for your support. We're gonna take a short break, but don't worry, we'll be back in plenty of time to ring in the New Year."

After the break, time seemed to fly by until it was almost midnight. Terry began the countdown and everyone stood and joined in. Tony stayed seated at the piano, ready to begin _Auld Lang Syne_ as soon as the countdown was finished. But before he could begin to play he felt two arms wrap around him. "Happy New Year, Tony," Gibbs whispered before kissing him.

Tony got so lost in the kiss, he forgot to play – that is, until the catcalls of the rest of the band members got his attention. Laughing, Tony turned back to the keyboard. He was thrilled when Gibbs stayed seated next to him. While he played, Tony thought back to how his life had changed, how he thought he had lost everything. And even though he still had a long way to go, he knew he could handle anything life threw his way, as long as he had Gibbs by his side.

And they all lived happily ever after . . .

TBC


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